10172017

lame -.-

2007-01-10T06:37:00.000-08:00

Name twenty people you can think of right now.
Don't read the question(s) until you've named the 20 people.
At the end of this, choose five people to do this.

1. peiyee
2. derek
3. zhanteng
4. ahfai
5. ahlong
6. suwen
7. wyntrice
8. amos
9. jonathanteo
10. qinyi
11. samuela
12. kahhui
13. shannon
14. justina
15. carmen
16. sheery
17. priscilla
18. guanyuan
19. yup huat (however his name is spelt)
20. derrick

How did you meet #14 (justina)?
classmates.
What would you do if you didn't meet #1 (peiyee)?
i'd die earlier. =/
What if #9 (jteo) and #20 (derrick) dated?
that's so gay. and totally impossible.
Would #6 (suwen) and #17 (priscilla) make a good couple?
not one bit. HAHAHAH
Describe #3 (zhanteng).
uh.. quiet, tall, thin, smart, reads a lot. okay im not sure. that's a primary school friend.
Is #8 (amos) attractive?
uh.. i suppose so. counting on the fact that he's that old man.
Describe #7 (wyntrice).
funky, interesting, smart, pretty.. alot alot alot!
Do you know any of #12 (kahhui) family members?
nopes.
What would you do if #18 (guanyuan) confess to you that he likes you?
well. she's not a he. =)
What language does #15 (carmen) speak?
english, chinese, and maybe malay.
Who is #9 (jteo) going out with?
is this a pun? he went out with me yesterday. not sure about now. haha.
When is the last time you spoke to #13 (shannon)?
on the day i met him in the mp library, level4. =)
Who is #2's (derek) favourite band/singer?
so freaking obvious. she and jaychou!! but i suppose his 'wives' are included.
Would you ever date #4 (ahfai)?
haha. he's much older. =)
Would you ever date #1 (peiyee)?
if one day i become a lesbian, yes.
Is #15 (Carmen) single?
think so..
What's #10's (qinyi) last name?
lim!
Would you ever be in a relationship with #11 (samuela)?
healthy friendship, yes.
School of #3 (zhanteng)?
st. hilda sec. [past tense[
Where does #6 (suwen) live?
very much near aljunied mrt station =) footsteps away.
What's your fave thing about #5 (ahlong)?
friendly&nice. =)
Have you seen #1 (peiyee) naked before?
haha. make a guess.
The Five People Are:
nah. this is lame!!!!

tweedle-wee!

2006-12-20T21:00:00.000-08:00

okay. this week's schedule ends today. on a thursday filled with television shows. =))

we went through so much trouble organising the day we watch huangjinjia to come back to square one, with the squareone people. aww. anyway, im going to see the show somehow la. so who cares! it's the work done that makes the whole thing interesting.

'she's overstretched. you? you can never be overstretched.'
that one thing that keeps ringing in my mind.

bangkok trip day04

2006-12-06T01:18:00.000-08:00

the first thing that i noticed in bangkok are their pink, blue, orange, red&yellow etc taxis. VERY PRETTY. their nightlife is ssssooooo rowdy. the stalls on the streets are rather interesting. the clothes they sell are body hugging. the people here are mostly SLIM people. the girls here mostly have LOOONNNGGG hairs. the journey from bangkok to HuaHin is VERY LONG. like 3hours? we stopped by a petrol station. A&W is still surviving very well here. haha. i got to know my cousins better on this looonnnggg journey.

qinyi-- i received your message! thanks!
suwen -- thanks for your message! hmm, i think it should be alright because i have the roaming thing in the phone.

that's all!

1215h end of school day!

2006-09-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

this week i went to peipei's house there to eat TWICE! first time was fish soup and duck with rice. it tasted great! and it felt like tuanyuanfan. second time i went there, i ate chickenchop which was okayokay. i know two ways of getting home from there. hopefully the next time i go, i wont get lost le.

this week. depression sort of sunk in. but anyway, it's gone now. all thanks to the.. wet pyjamas, 'on da street' gang [jokers] and my own trueblue brother. i'll take it in my stride and do whatever within my limits to make it better. it's just me and myself now.

'i gave it my all

but it wasnt enough

~~im giving up.~~

no, im pushing on.

what for?

making the same mistake

day after day

for such a rat race

i have no faith.

life has its up and down

~~and i hate it anyway~~

but i love it anyway.

one life one shot

that's all we ever got.

it takes two to make it right.

and that's me and my pride.

here we'll go

BEATING THE ODDS WITH A ROYALFLUSH!'

'everything is empty

everything is so messed up

everyone is changing

there's no one left that is real.

make up your own ending

let me know just how you feel.'

sad to say,

my largest motivation is still 041.

let's just keep it going on and on.

i wonder what you saw when you saw me crying. it felt weird when you told me not to go too far away and cry at a place where you cannot find and that you'd rather watch me cry. it felt nice when you said you had nothing to do and so you thought of messaging me. you made me feel nicer about myself when you said things like 'zhao gu you forever okay'. maybe im taking your words too seriously. anyway, it's so you to say those things.

the weirdo talks.

2006-08-06T00:30:00.001-07:00

learnt a great pile from the show pei and i started watching recently. no, not the loveydovey stuffs. just. about being frank.

last night felt a sense of betrayal. so that was how betrayal felt like. someone went beyond testing MY waters. someone went beyond my ability to TRUST. somehow, im feeling tired. still feeling tired from last night's happening. minor, but major to me. i just cant seem to put it behind me. WAY TOO COINCIDENTAL. maybe that's what makes them two 'best friends' who share each other each other's secrets.

im going to give up being a friend who you can almost anything talk to. because it's just so tiring. i told you when i tell someone something i expect that person to keep it to himself didnt i? that bloody sms you sent me really hurt my feelings. even if __ should know what i told you, shouldnt I, ME ME ME ME be the one who let __ know? over here i keep our conversation private, over there you tell ___ everything. im so damn disappointed. and best part of it all, you dont even know.

and you. i told you why i felt that way that day. and straight after school you did it again. how sweet of you. guess what, this is the end of me trying to make things better. i've done what i can, i've said my piece, enough is enough, im backing off. that's what you guys want? there you go, you got what you want. im backing off.

in conclusion to my week, being frank to other people about your own feelings isnt exactly right. because it might be a weapon for them to hurt you back. thank you two so much for teaching me this lesson.

so much for putting in an effort to make things better.

weight on the shoulder.

2006-05-20T08:17:00.000-07:00

it's suppose to be a good day if you tell yourself it's going to be a good day right? if it really is, it isnt working for me. which is kind of bad. i hate feeling this horrible. i guess i'll just have to live with it until things change for the better.

'is there something wrong with you?' and burst out laughing. is that line so funny?

*patpat* 'it's just midyears, it's alright la huh.' and laugh. is that line so funny?

these are people who _____. dont try to console someone unless you mean it. and even if you mean to console, you are just hiding your fear of that person crying to you. i cant stand it okay. just shut the fuck up if you've got nothing better to say. i can handle silence much better than you bitches think i can.

there are so many things running through my head now, i dont know which to type.

okay here goes nothing. the fragility of friendship is crumpling on me faster than i thought it would. i mean, obviously it'll happen somehow. [since this is our last two terms in the same school.] i am upset about it but well. i give up trying to fix the pieces. maybe he's right. right from the start. if it means to resolve, it will in the end. SO! just leaving it as it is. hopeful that it'll turn out alright. i am too used to certain things and too emotionally connected to it to lose it all.

uhm. lovesick entry

2006-05-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

i seriously seriously didnt know i was this serious until now. suddenly realise next year everything will be gone. well, maybe not all, just most of it. it's like losing grip of everything out of the blue. ah. what a crushed feeling. i thought i was just going gaga over cutesy look, but. argh. stepped myself on my toe. feel so.. flipped. like, AH! the happy high mood is gone la. and diffusion says it'll spread to others. will set it right before entering class tomorrow. just hope it doesnt twist back to hit me in my face.

interesting day

2006-04-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

i wrote an english essay on a misunderstanding [ignore the part which it led to tragic end] and i really had a misunderstanding today. or so i'd like to think of it as.

i got pissed. because a taxi can only take four people. awkward? yeah. empty space in my stomach was filled with air again. but anyway, i benefited from it. racheline taught me what i had to know, again. acid and alcohol get ester blah blah. shann taught the difference between collateral and ransom. we three were having bad mood. maybe just racheline and me la. x) the bad air was cleared by tee at 5.13. it's a not bad timing actually. =) he actually returned to school ALONE, stayed in class ALONE and studied ALONE. da niao was there too. bwahaha. da niao is funny. so is tee. i didnt sing for those last stage cancer patients alright. and i didnt go off-tune and nobody's life machine went dead. x) i flipped the score on the stand and it nearly fell off. my gawd. what a horrible thing to happen.

i want to eat that bar of bubbly milk!!

whee. english yingyongwen says
STUDY WITH PASSION!

go go go! JIAYOU!

fugly.

2006-04-27T06:13:00.000-07:00

everybody's slogging like hell. im still slacking. it's time i listen.

'you still have time to slack?!'

one thing made my day. another crashed my day. fuck it.

whee. talk to me more often! x)

mos burger day.

2006-04-26T06:17:00.000-07:00

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

walked out of school halfway. got drenched to the skin. crossed the overhead bridge. lightning and thunder. with this close encounter, i doubt if im afraid of lightning and thunder anymore. hmm. this is amos first trip to mos burger. interesting. x)

guess what junhao said about amos going to mos burger to eat.
' so bad. how can you eat your own kind?'

LOLS. jokers. i didnt study because i wasnt focus enough. i wasnt focus enough because i was looking out of the window, staring at the paper in front of me, eating carrot and tee's fries. stupid la. -.-

anyway. must get back to studying.

AAHHH! i feel so guilty now.

FUCK THE RESULTS

2006-04-21T08:21:00.000-07:00

i need some place to vent everything out. someone who can quietly listen to every shit i have to say. some place that's away from bloody results. ask me if the system emphasizes a lot of results. let me tell you it's a fucking big yes.

just when im rejoicing you had to pull me down

when will you ever back off

FUNNY OLD MAN.

2006-04-20T01:47:00.000-07:00

read this read this!

on a double-decker bus12, on the upper deck, a old man and a dunman high girl sits alongside seperated by the aisle [issit? corridor? whatever la!] the old man suddenly turns around ask the girl.

'what is the most impt thing in life?'

then they had a small debate. i sat three seats behind the old man. i could hear him a little bit. it was funny. the girl reacted to the question, possibly gave the answer. then the old man said.

'making babies is the most impt thing in life.'

HAHA! i thought i heard wrongly, but yan ning heard the same thing! LOLS. then he rumbled on.

'living things are what dominates the world. without living things, earth is nothing.'

HAHA. that's common sense. but it's amazing how the old man could just strike a conversation out of nowhere.

before i got down. the old man was asking about some blood dna or blood group. the girl answered him something and the old man went.

'i dont care about your blood group. i'm just telling you...'

what an ass right? the old man i mean. the young girl is nice enough to continue the conversation with you and he just tell her off like that. lols. anyway, maybe there are some truth in those words the old man spoke. i mean, he's afterall a old man. he must have been through a lot, and have retired by now to have all the time in the world to think of those questions and answer it himself. =)

tee is so.. not sick. just plain tired. and poof! one whole day off the school ground. AAHHHH! i wish my parents will allow me to do that too. =/ anyway, the books wake me up la. because it scares me so not to understand.

anyway. today was alright la. just a wee-bit rough. but it's alright. i saw him many many many many times today. and that, cheered me on. =)

i hate it when you just walk away.

PIANGEH

2006-04-16T06:27:00.000-07:00

whee. today is sunday. last friday felt like a sunday. haha. brother's older by a year lo.

quite scary to have someone whom you've lost touch for 2years plus to suddenly ask you out. =/ gave me his new number. say he can teach me if i want and i can ask him anything i dont know about. uh, that's really creepy.

ahha. i blogged lerh ah. dont complain anymore.

oh, did i mention? i learnt something today. ttyl is 'talk to you later' and not 'take that you loser'. HAHA. i dont know where that come from. =/

makes me wonder if the house is cracking up. makes me wonder if im cracking up. makes me wonder why do i care so much. makes me wonder why im so emotionally connected to you.

maybe it's time i

DONT FUCKING GIVE A SHIT.

anybody seriously want to teach me? you can teach me how to stay away from people i like.
i dont even want to know if the grey area i feel for you is there anymore.

weird emotions toiling.

2006-04-10T02:32:00.000-07:00

saw a different side of myself today.

got up the bus, stared at the empty seat, scan the area for seat-needy-people. none. so i sat there. wasnt in the mood to talk to ANY stranger but this stranger sitting beside me asked me about cchms. so yadaa yadaa. bet it's some mother with a P6 kid. answered her questions dutifully and shut her up by putting on my earpiece and blasting mo ri zhi lian. then this weird thought came to me. 'as a student, im given no time for any personal relationships as close as bgr due to thy reason -- it-might-affect-your-studies. so therefore, the only time i can be self-indulgent as the lovesick ass like duke orsino is when i plug-in and listen to the lyrics of loveydovey sobby songs. other than that, im a plain student with only books in my head.'

there was this confusion between 'amigo' and 'flammingo'. HAHA. i was laughing straight for almost 2h. and wyn and i did the flammingo thing whenever we see each other in the corridor. i bet we must have looked like lunatics. amigo means friend right? well, since sw was like totally blurdo and mistook it for the pink bird, i jokingly called silong 'flammingo' instead of 'amigo'. and what was funnier was that silong is southern arabia, so how can there be flammingo? therefore, he's the RED bbq flammingo. oh yeah, silong has many nicknames. 'pythagoras theorum', 'tampines tiger', 'southern arabian', 'mexica', 'bbq flammingo', 'big glucose'. pick one to call him! HAHA.

during english lesson, pei and i were trying to give each other english names. pei's name must start with letters k, y, z. mine must start with letters d, y, l. HAHA. so difficult la. i dont want names like doreen. i dont mind the name DAMIEN lei! HAHA. joking joking. people, help me think of a name for pei please. =)

it makes me wonder why a two year friend seems to understand you so much more than a four year friend. maybe time is nothing when it comes to understanding each other. but then, people usually say 'some day, you'll understand.' so it does take time to understand. but what the hell, this must be another contradictory in life that cannot be untangled.

in the bus. there was this tall stranger. black jacket with a hood, white shirt, baggy pants, pretty fringe, handsome frame. but obviously there's a downside la. =/ but anyway, it's not his appearance that matters. it's what he did. he looked at me and i looked at him. and we turned away. stupid but weirdly, we looked at each other again. like some sort of recognition, he smiled and didnt turn away this time. somehow acknowledging we were looking at each other. stupid eh? this sounds stupid. but i felt like dejavu. maybe like carrot said, i should have asked him if we met before. but well, the period of silence was more of enjoyment than awkwardness.

i was ultra-nice today. because i helped kuat carry his heavy file because he had sorethroat. [tho it's irrelevant.] i didnt blow my lids off when i felt disgusted and angry. i paid FULL attention today. the chem test today was like shite. because of my stupidity. AAAH!

im begging you, be my escape.

10o406

WHEE! prettay friday, sweet night. lovely saturday.

2006-04-08T06:28:00.000-07:00

yesterday.

one interesting full day out in school AND on the street AND returned home only at 11. alright, maybe 11 is no-kick for some, but HEY! it's the latest i got home. without my sibling escorting me home la, that is.

so. we had 5items for p.e. pei, su and me cannot do the standing-broad-jump exercise because we did squats yesterday. i cheated but ohwells. my right leg isnt that strong la. so.. still felt the ache. i was so darn bad at the pullups. but when the time comes, i'll do it much much better la. as usual =). and we did some 45s run. LOLS. ran darn slow la. =(

chinese was crappy. teacher is always complaining i read too soft. wth is wrong with her ears! bleh. anyway, it was a breeze.

english was HILARIOUS. junhao, jona, su and me had to do our oral with mrs yee. it was hilarious. junhao did the range thing when prompted. and suwen exaggerated a lot a lot. and mrs yee asked jona to do the hongkong accent for the last line. and she ended her lesson speaking in the hongkong accent. LOLS, bet jona didnt expect mrs yee to do that.

cme was nice because we watched pride&prejudice and silong couldnt understand what the story was. HAHA. but it's alright la, the show was slow. i wanted to sleep but the girl was pretty and the guy was kind of like.. hmm, strange. so i stopped myself from sleeping.

emath was a wee-bit too slow for my taste, so i couldnt help it and snoozed awhile. but i did quite a bit of work la. so im fine. i left a wee-bit earlier for the briefing about talentime. lucky me. =)

after briefing, i caught jona at the locker area. HAHA. suwen and wyn disappeared from class. so.. yeah. but anyway, we walked out together. and silly me forgot i was going to return to school, i carried my bag out. walked with wyn at first. su and pei walked together, slowly because of the cramp from the squats. heard footsteps behind and i thought it was suwen. HAHA. sorry ah, for one moment, i thought suwen was going to pounce on us. =P anyway, we walked halfway out. then jona suddenly asked 'uh, jasmine. are you coming back to school later?' 'yeah, obviously right??' 'then why you carry your bag out?' HAHA. funny ah!

we [wyn, su, jona, me] went to watch fragile. but we couldnt get in. only ME ME ME already old yet young 16. but what's with the rule about being 16 then can watch?? i mean, this year turn 16 can already what. not like after your birthday you suddenly become a saint, all mature and ready to be exposed to the ugly world. and that asshole nameless freako ~~manager~~ [not worth the title]. you dont even know what or who you want us to call to question. what what what 'm-m-m' m your head la. dont even know what's the ministry-you-want-us-to-call called. and so what we are 16? we are VIP and the VIP is ALWAYS RIGHT. dont fucking talk to us so condescendingly.

ended up eating SUBWAY! and watching B13. SO ROCKS! wokaydokay, so my idea of watching iceage2 was rubbishey. but hey, take the joke people. =) leito, damien and the girl LOLA was so darn nice to watch. and haha. lola's attitude is so so SSSSOOOO WOOHOO! leito's stunts were so darn interesting. walked out of the cinema with gunshots and the sound effects still replaying in my ears. it was jona's idea to watch mafia show. but it made my mood really high. SO YEAH!!

went coffeebean after that for iceblendedmocha. we had a lot of fun there. simple fun la. suwen nearly make me spit mocha on the window pane because of her blurness. LOLS. nearly died choking! i played with jona's coins and was making him guess what picture i made. LOLS. all of them were mickeymouses. HAHA, stupid game. but you can see, the guy has no imagination. so who's the plateau-head huh?! lols. joking. and wyn took a seductive photo of suwen and showed jona and asked if the photo will seduce him. and his answer. 'almost. you are this close.' and he shows how close. funny! LOLS. and suwen made a mess on the table. and wyn enjoyed her gassy water. hmm.. espirit issit? =) i found something really funny. we all have the habit of licking the cream or our straws then mix and drink it. and we walked back to the mrt station. oh yeah. we went to get the gay but nice big big big earring. there was this modelling thing. jona wanted to watch, but i was in need of time. so yeah, the perv doesnt get to watch. haha, joking ah. =)) took it all the way back to payalebar.

though it was late and we were all tired. jona walked back into school. and he said something like it was his first time walking into school so late. lols. thanks for the company. he called out to phillip but no answer. HAHA. were those white figures we saw at the soccer court ghosts? HAHA. anyway, saw some bangla near the backgate. wasnt scary. walked in and happily said 'byebye'. and ran upstairs to start work. bouncers along the stairway. i was tired, but i wasnt once i saw d****** sitting at the first row. ^.^ looked through the list for a name 'close dance' aka guan wu. but there wasnt. mister teo, there's nobody in that list of that name! anyway, actually i could sneak two people in because there was two vacant seats at the rear. BUT, mr tan came to the back and talked to me awhile. so, that's just plain unlucky la. =/

the intermission was interesting. i saw daniel. HAHA, that stupid ass. and pretty people, and HIM! he said hi to me. but because i was checking for stamps on the hand and chanting 'hand' all the way. the first thing i told him was 'hand please' AAAH! i feel so stupid! =( but anyway, it was kind of sweet. because when i first saw him sitting there, i was like 'is that him' and it really was. he started scanning the area. someone called me and told me my duties. and when i got to look at him, he was looking in my area. HAH! sweet right? =) i couldnt stop smiling after that. my tiredness wore off. HAHA. i walked out to start my work. and looked at the soccer court. IT WAS FREAKING DARK. how to play soccer??! will they kick the wrong ball? haha. =P whoops, where did that come from. HAHA. anyway, it was fun la. in the end, i universal-sign-finger got a cut because of one ass. -.- oh wells. he was the last group to leave. and he smiled and said byebye to me before he left. SO CUTE!

today.

morning spent at wyn's house with su and pei. HAHA. had fun. then left for mp. then for dinner in bedok. I SAW ALVIN LEK! haha. funny funny. =)) anyway, it's just so coincidental. and i didnt know there were so many pretty-boy-next-door faces in bedok. maybe like alvin lek, they came from somewhere far. HAHA. =/ anyway, today was kind of rough. because i got irritated easily. and ah ha. i hate it when people arent listening to what im saying. those people, see a wall near you? smash your face in it.

talking to jenny was really nice. lols. it's tiresome to hold a mask everyday acting like you are all happy when deep inside you arent. how horrible. the conversation felt like i was de-masking my heart. LOLS. what a way to put it. and we were talking about our ultra-good friends. and she asked me to describe mine. so i told her

'one expression is like a thousand words'

can you imagine that? a friend who you dont need to talk much to, and just poof! the person knows exactly how you are feeling. everything the person says is just like a spot-on answer in drawing curve graphs freehand. it's like snipper! so darn accurate.

and did i mention? i met qin and lion in mp today after tuition! WHAT COINCIDENCE! this is so interesting. seeing alvin lek during dinner, and qin+lion in mp. woohoo!

love your company

FUNNY!

2006-04-06T05:40:00.000-07:00

last five minutes of the last period, [note; our teacher was absent. a relief-teacher took our class. we were all doing our own stuffs.] the relief-teacher warn us about using music devices or handphones during 'lesson time' when all of us have been listening to music devices for like the past hour. HAHA.

after school, a weebit of confusion. but oh wells. felt bad having to trouble my friends and walked back to school to wait. lucky enough, lion sam gel jane lilian were walking out already. followed them out to eat kfc. saw suwen pei jo walking in front. got a shock from carrot 'cos he jumped at the fence and said 'byebye!' lols. these days, forgivers are crazy about basketball and that's good. we were going to kallang kfc. saw them walking on to the 7-11 there. first thought that came to mind. 'lucky i walk back into school.' because it was like making them go a extra mile. HAHA. this reminds me of the gems thing. 'thank you for your service'. JOKING ONLY AH! =))

at kfc, it was really fun. we wanted to play something like zhongjimima with yangsheng's left-over-fries-soaked-in-ice-lemon-tea-and-mountain-dew. then we saw the tartar sauce and some vege floating. lion and i changed our minds about playing. HAHA. then we mixed icelemontea with mountaindew, it tasted like some chinese herbs la. LOLS.

left earlier, didnt know the route. BUT NOW I DO! i walked the route sam told me and i found it familiar. reached the '+' main road, and i found it ultra-familiar. i used to frequent that place i guess, with that old group. i remember watching someone as he crossed the road and out of side. =/ now i dont know where i frequent to. most probably suntec. LOLS. or maybe, basketball court. or maybe, just my seat.

took bus12. slept all the way from kallang [or is it mountbatten?] to somewhere after st pats, near wyn's house. reached home, listening to anjing. LOLS. that freaking song. did my emaths. waiting for ksw to come online. but WHY ISNT SHE HERE YET?! alright, i remembered about wantoneys. -.- speaking of her, we did something crazy today. something crazy that was linked to yesterday's carpet-entrance.

told wyn about our 'ceremony'. where's our ring? so i told sw, let's exchange our rings. sw say where do we get our rings? i told her, nah, i give you my ring finger. sw went oh okayokay. left or right? bride should be left, i think. okay, there you go. HAHA. jokers. and sw had this theory about brides, if they wear sportshoes they'd wear it pink, they are usually shorter than the groom, they have bigger chest than the groom. HAHA.

and somebody's IE is cranky, laptop's working twice as slow. sad to say i cannot help in anyway besides 'talking to the air'. beggars cant be choosers. that's just so true.

tomorrow's going to be hella tired because of talentime. afternoon's going to be like shite because there isnt any suitable place to go or good timings at good place. if we go out and i return to school at 5. THE SKY WOULD BE TURNING DARK. and i'd be walking in alone, and that's going to be creepy. can someone be a nice fella and walk me in? or better still, accompany me throughout the night while i do my assigned job? ahh. nobody seem to be in for the job of 'nice fella'.

i tried telling you

the words reached out

but it never reveal itself.

i tried. i want to give up.

'when all falls, remember you have me.' -- that's total bullshite.

p.s REQUEST FOR ESCORT.

basketball's IN and soccer's OUT! YAY!!

2006-04-05T01:43:00.000-07:00

these days, soccer's OUT and BASKETBALL's IN! WOOHOO!! everybody [well, almost] rushes to the basketball court with our 'new found' basketball [with the courtesy of shann.] to play. Full court if lucky. =)) the game today was AWESOME man! ^.^ majority aimed really really really well. first time in the whole week i sat there and watch the game. so interesting. everything's sorted out. five points and switch people. WHOOSH! supposed to be fast, but the last game was rather slow because both teams were strong. and while observing them, sam told me something about feeling for the basketball and throwing it in without looking. that's interesting! and padaa, i learnt something about myself today -- when there are many many balls flying in the court, i go absolutely blur and have no idea what to do. -.- that's plain stupid. HAHA.

Today suwen and i tricked Silong into eating lemon warhead to see his reaction. HAHA. first 5secs, his face was neutral. 8secs, his expression changed! HAHA. he said 'lucky the thing is sour only for a while.' lols. then after geog, i tricked WeiShun into eating. So funny la. anyway, WeiShun kind of likes to eat such things. so yepps. it was alright. =))

During geog lesson, we drew tortoises. One was kuat, other was pei, miniature ones were wyn me and su. of course su is the smallest of all the small ones la. and pei had a pear-shaped-shell. kuat had a big big head and in the end, his tortoise became a siamese one because carrot's head was added in. LOLS, that's how bored we were!

We were taught that fats smell nice or some kind of ester smell nice la. then shann, carrot and dunno who repeatedly said that pei smell damn nice. LOLS.

physics was rather slacky because of the test we had on current electricity, D.C circuits and bloody static electricity. WHAT IS ELECTRIC FIELD? definition has some bloody keypoints which i cannot remember. THAT WAS A GIVE AWAY QUESTION! AAHHHH!!! given length and cross-sectional area, im required to recognise it has something to do with the 'resistance is inversely proportionate to length/area'. I KNEW IT BUT I STILL DONT KNOW HOW TO SOLVE IT! AAHHHH!!! and my mcq answers are totally absolutely different from suwen. WTF! it is stupid to fail a chapter which is easy. AAHHH!!

anyway, after school was rather fun. got to play a little, got to slack a little. people got detention slips. HEH HEH! tee said the detention slips are like hotel reservations, can request to change dates and timing to suit the students. he even commented that 'maybe later can book out earlier.' LOLS.

learnt something from qin today. must prioritise homeworks too. if not, you will be wasting time. so i'll start doing the chinese workbook and physics tys tonight. =))

we left the classroom, walked down the stairs. and there was this small red carpet, and the 'pillars' at the side look like some.. you know, those at the wedding ceremony? yeah. so suwen and i went 'dang da da dum.' and the dickhead lin turned and gave us the stupid look and made a comment. [or not, since pei and su didnt hear it.] no sense of humour sia. HAHA.

we had a 'interrogation session' while walking out today. it was rather funny. =) asking questions which i've asked before and already know the answer. HAHA, poor ass nearly got pushed to a corner. anyway, we were nice, so we stopped. aww. friday's going to be good because there's talentime at night! [though i have to help out.] and i have takers for fragile already! YEPPIE!!! and suwen, i was telling the truth okay?! i didnt know about fragile until he told me about it.

'are you damn close with your sister?'

'yeah, how you know?'

'yesterday..'

HAHA. =) tell me about inferencing.

why doesnt this cute fetish fade away?

feels abnormal to smile at something

and not know what you are smiling about.

psst. fengshui will get better. if there is one. =))

did i mention this bloody regret?

2006-04-03T03:26:00.000-07:00

so i thought last week full force anger ended being just a phase. haha. what am i suppose to type in here so that things will get better and not worse. n-o-t-h-i-n-g. haha, ironic isnt it.

about talentime, im so not sure about the ticket. if i have it, i'll give it to whoever who wants it AND tells me. so if you want the ticket, you better tell me asap.

today went pretty 'awesome' because we had this change in our seating arrangements. and one thing to say to those. [if what that dickhead say is true.] i apologise for causing you all the trouble when actually you can sit and have fun at your usual seats. i didnt feel anywhere better, so why dont you just shut your fucking trap up. i shall insincerely apologise in advance if your results start to fucking slip. fuck, you wna ask me why im sensitive? i dont give a shite if it's just a joke or a fucking comment. to hell with you because my results arent anywhere better than anyone. SO WHY DONT YOU JUST LEAVE IT ALONE. ARENT WE ALL FRIENDS? somehow this is making me feel like i cannot lift my head up to look at the world around me the way i used to. ask me why. because of my fucked up results. and because of my fucked up results, i feel like im condemned for life. and im condemned for life because o'levels is fucking important. it's like the railway. one loose screw, byebye. and in reality, one loose screw would be taking the wrong step aka making one little mistake. and here i am, stepping in a pile of stinking mixture of mud and poo. if you cant help me, shut your fucking trap and fuck off. i dont need your fucking comments because it wont bring you or me any place better. if seeing me crying makes you feel better, sorry i wont allow you to push me to that corner where i breakdown. I WILL NOT CRY IN FRONT OF YOU. i will not. logic here is simple -- you cant help me, you leave me alone. you digg?

alright. there goes. part of the whole thing poured out. sorry if it's offensive. if you want to read something, you'll read the REAL thing instead of some poser blog, right?

ahha. i dont know why. i recalled this recess time thing, something happened, then redhead and i started talking.

'scold me la. i'll act like im listening.'
'whatever for, it's not like im your mum or anything.'
'yeah. but im your dad! HAHA.'
'aha. funny ah!'
'say somemore, and you are grounded ah! HAHA!'

i want to watch FRAGILE this week. any takers?

everything seems so wrong.

CAN ANYONE HELP MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR ME?

is it a plea? yes it is.

not making much sense

2006-04-01T21:51:00.000-08:00

one, more formality. two, less approachable. three, easily angered. four, easily appeased. five, very much hua-chi. six, pretty much lost. seven, knowing what have to be donhe but not knowing how to go about doing it. eight, listening in class but not taking in important load of information in. nine, having difficulty being a ideal-student and ideal-kid. ten, having difficulty putting thoughts into words/speech. eleven, feeling disengaged in many many many many occasions. twelve, [go figure out yourself].

nothing that is so is so

at least for now.

doesnt seem to work the way i thought it'd be.

what the fucking hell is wrong

2006-04-01T07:01:00.000-08:00

seems like when everything is alright, something must go wrong. must is the word. take friday for example. felt like a bloody overstretched rubberband, but it turned out my parents meant good [as usual]. this week was hell. must be because of some kind of stupid hormones changing or something. experienced some bloody overwhelming emotions. for example, extreme anger which resulted in shutting myself up and creating some kind of unsettlement among some people. weirdest of all, on friday mr teo said 'can you talk?' isnt that extremely weird? shouldnt it be like the other way round? oh wells, i didnt think of that until today. freaking brain works one day slower i suppose. it's super easy to get on my nerves. like anything to deal with points, books, outing, gossiping. i dont know why. it is stupid because it wastes more energy than needed. and im bored with all those negative emotions. it's stupid. but locking it up isnt easy. but who cares. im going to trash them out once a week on a piece of paper and throw it away. then get on with studies/life/whatever you call it. yeah yeah whatever. say im a copycat. say im an idiot. say im an ass. say im stupid. whatever alright. kick yourself in your own fucking ass. you know what. be glad i even replied you in the same manner you messaged me because it shows that you are worth me copying. fuck you for trying to preach into my head. monday is coming, somehow im looking forward to monday more than i look forward to weekends and i wonder why the hell. it's not like i love schools, lessons or anything. i used to love fridays and hate mondays and look forward to weekends. but now i dont. and i wonder why the freaking hell. maybe i should bang my head on the wall and forget about find out why.

weird day filled with STUPID events

2006-03-30T04:19:00.000-08:00

why does it always go the same way -- learning nice sweet things about people and then POOF! suddenly all the bad assholic things fall into the picture.

guess it's just part of getting to know people better. and that is what makes me walk away. and that is what makes me feel negativity. and that is what makes me go wtf. and that is what spoils my day or beautifies my day. and that is what makes me feel like an idiot for not knowing it right from the start. OH WELL!

read the previous post repeatedly, dont understand what's so funny about it that ksw can continuously laugh at it. oh well. im hungry. again. shucks. no snacks, nothing. IM HUNGRY DAMNIT!

the day went pretty well i guess. laughed things off a lot today. i got 'scolded' because i trusted that ass so much to believe everything he told me. BLEH! okay la, i alright about it. suwen wyn pei played with the bubble thing, popping on people's heads and backs. LOLS. funny. =) and i still dont get it. what's so shocking about me going for the physics remedial. do i look like such a bad student as to skip remedial? lols, i am. but your reaction dont have to be so drastic right??! haha. i better finish up the homework, i dont want to be having detention on a nice long monday. can sense that all those around me are slogging real hard now. people like ksw, wyn, pei, sim, kuat, redhead and tee. AAAAHHHH! suddenly recalled what happened last night. i think that was the first time i lost control and wanted to burst out crying so much but held back. thank god for that. if i cried, it'd be really horrible. but even so, i couldnt concentrate on revising until tee msged me about amaths. shrugged and just placed the anger beside. suddenly it all really didnt matter at all.

starting to wonder

what's the shite all about

fussing over numbers

single digit, double digits

isnt it all the same?

just numbers?

and there is you.

who just walk into my life saying nothing

but showed me i have to get back on track and set things right.

p.s go choir or pon?

IM FUCKING PISSED

2006-03-29T01:34:00.000-08:00

DISCLAIMER: do not read

because contents are NC16.
because contents are not reader-friendly.
because contents will spoil moods.

DO NOT READ

1. asked a particular person repeatedly and finally realise that the person isnt listening at all. FUCK.
2. was thought to be fooling around in school, after schooltime. FUCK.
3. was my fault that she waited for me 'like an idiot'. FUCK.
4. having no idea what is wrong with my studying because it isnt working and i cant find solution out of this shite. and not knowing where i went wrong, im suppose to tell my brother what im not clear about when i dont know what i dont know. FUCK.
5. whisper whisper whisper. FUCK.
6. that sudden shut-away-from-earthlings. FUCK.
7. walking away silently. FUCK.
8. those two periods of time i felt like im invisible. invisible as in cannot be seen. FUCK.
9. not having a break through in anything. FUCK.
10. feeling like shite already on a WEDENESDAY. FUCK.
11. felt absolutely lost for once. FUCK.

the list just goes on. for no good reason.

if i can type that 'universal sign' word out as many times as my anger lasts, i will. i will because the moment i start focusing on what im writing, i cannot feel it anymore. all those things im angry/upset about. it's not worth me frowning, it's not worth me banging my fist on the toilet wall repeatedly, it's not worth me crying out, it's not worth me screaming my head off. it's not worth anything because it's a load of bull. man, i sound like im trying to convince myself dont i. i am alright. i am trying hard to convince myself NOW. i dont like to feel this way, this pissed. i was pissed, but i held back. wonderfully hidden away. but why am i telling it here? let me tell you why. because i need an outlet to pour all the shite out. and this place is the outlet. you dont like it, then dont read it.

'you need to focus on your studies. get away from your friends.' sure i will. but im no machine. you dont operate me, i dont operate you. but if that's what satisfy you, i'll do it. maybe you are right anyway. i feel unhappy to listen to that line but it made sense today. all it took was one shot to make me feel so fucking irritated. no, this isnt the first. why must it always fall on me? why. a simple question but no answers.

this post is so not getting anywhere. cant find anything to make me cool down. not even listening to music. messaging. felt like i made a mistake to send that message out because the reply didnt help shite. it was fucking fu-yan and it felt really uncomfortable. im never messaging that person again unless it's urgent.

some funny things i should just focus on because it cheers me up for no reason.
1. writing meaningful lyrics into tiny boxes.
2. shann and redhead was saying '****' all over. so i told tee 'dont say ah.' and he said 'i didnt say ****.' argued argued. then he said something like 'i didnt say ****, you tell me not to say ****. i say ****, you still telling me not to say ****.'
3. choonkuat got fustrated doing amath tys and made a funny 'irritated' sound.
4. there's no tiny aeroplanes in the sky today. =( but it reminded me about yesterday which was fun.
5. finally saw the 'fragile' advertisement. I WANT TO WATCH.
6. watched gaoxiao something on tvmobile in the bus135. it was funny. i was totally ignorant about what was happening around me. maybe it's good for a change.
7. physics lesson. we did 'practical' wiring a plug. it was hilarious because the parts came out. samson lam is a funny teacher agreeing that we should take photo of our first fixed plug. and tee took the wire and said 'TIMEBOMB!' and suwen was pointing the screwdriver at peiyee saying something funny. what if she pierce peiyee *ahem* there, african children wont have to go in hunger.
8. saw that 101% concentration look on his blur face. so cute.

woke up this morning to see something really sweet.
it made me smile even though i was sleepy.
it told me my existence is significant
unlike others whose actions tell me otherwise.

p.s sorry i didnt reply.

foreshadowing?

2006-03-28T02:09:00.000-08:00

AAHHHH! the cute fetish is still here! AAAHHHHH!!! lols, feels pretty good though. ^.^ some form of relaxation from a life full of tension eh? =)

anyway, today was really cramming my head out. chinese lesson went pretty nicely. english was funny. physics was totally gonecase because i lost focus and felt sleepy. got to work on that. must hang on till the last minute of the last period of the day! nice advice on the train today. 'you still can afford to sleep ah?' not being sarcastic alright. i mean it. =)

I AM HUNGRY! I CANT WAIT FOR DINNER! I DIDNT EAT MY LUNCH!
oh man, but i want to sleep. im going for a snooze now.

list of funny things 1. bangla accent and southernarabia accent, hilarious conversation. 2. IM NOT A SHIELD! 3. shuttlecock for birthday boy remained in class! 4. silly jokes. 5. a goon getting a whadever card from the GTM. -.-

aahhh. im not thinking straight. i need sleep.
p.s try to send you the huoyuanjia tonight.

today is GREAT.

a smiley day.

2006-03-23T01:46:00.000-08:00

day started out with a big frown because i was having a major 'one-sided' headache. first period, chemistry. all the esters, esterification, organic macromolecule, polymers, monomers blah blah. it all gets pretty messed up.

second period was english literature. we did prose. read this story written by asian author amy tan [dont ask me why i remember something so small that is like told to me at 8.50 in the morning.] about some chinese family parent-child conflict living in US/UK. the girl's name is wave-ly something. anyway, we did nothing but just discussion of the three questions given to us as O'level questions. ms adri told us this subject is the most unpredictable of all subjects. and she said something like not to depend on it too much to get an A. if that's really the case, i better buck up on e geog and social studies then.

next was emaths. i had fun slacking then because i did ALMOST everything last night. frequency distribution is a easy chapter, but im slow at drawing the graphs, so time management again. halfway through, the headache was overwhelming, so i asked racheline for a panadol. and i ate it. i slept through the last few minutes of the lesson. maybe i didnt have enough sleep last night. i felt fine after taking the panadol.

recess time was a breeze as usual. we ate 'burgers', paus, bought a chickenpie.

english was alright. suwen did some deciphering thing amongst all the words on the paper given to us. =/ and girl, he's not mine okay?!!

physics was like a mess. gaychua went through the holiday homework in tys again! STUPID ASS! waste my time. start on the freaking new chapter or do a bloody reevision la. anyway, surprising enough, i did my own revision on current electricity. i even listened to what he had to say. -.- wth. then there was A QUIZ! haha! but it's not counted in the exams, so it's alright! =D i can handle it.

after school we had some weird experiment with that WEIRD woman. not being a racist la. but some times i really dont get what she's saying. we did those experiment, some funny things happened in between. like i dont know how to connect the wire to another two wires alrdy clipped together. >.< wyn said make them french la! and she put the wire into place for me. =D

after all that crappity craps. i found suwen's paper-sanpan-the-smaller-the-better's collection under my pencilcase. so i wanted to keep it when tee snatched it away and gave that grin. HAHA, it's not mine la. then wyn and i returned to class. i copied the yingyongwen. say i was surprised or what. i was smiling to myself like an idiot when reported what was going to do. then when wyn was done with her chinese file and workbook, she left. then i re-do my copy of yingyongwen because it was so untidy. soon, ang returned to class. then tee came back. he asked me to do his corrections for him-.- he even had guts to ask me to do his chinese file's correction! lols. joker. 'file correction should be lesser than the workbook la horh.' *holds his file up* funny ah! =) carmen and amos were hilarious with their usual bickerings. =D

stupid carrot made us wait for him outside. marcusquek thought we were doing something bad and somehow, as redhead put it, he threatened us. so we ended up waiting for carrot at the bubbletea shop, allowing like 4-6 buses pass us by before getting on 135. =/

hmm. here's the line that made me smile really wide.
'anyway. why are you still here? waiting for that derek ah?'
'no, siao ah. whatever for?'
'haha. there's a pun you see.'

had fun. studied. ate a lot of paus. maybe the next thing i'll do is to sleep. IM TIRED.

it's weird how you make me smile when i feel so tired

MY BIRTHDAY!

2006-03-22T04:09:00.000-08:00

23.17 yanjun messaged me. 23.49 my sis called to wish me. 23.57 my mum called me from her room to wish me and my dad came into my room to tell me. 23.59 qinyi called to wish me. 00.37 yiting messaged me! this morning. 7.15 guanyuan messaged me. other times, im not sure. my bro, my dad, yanjun messaged me. =))

anyway. at flag-raising. qinyi gave me my birthday bash. to be exact, birthday "BASH"! sixteen whacks for being sixteen years old! AHHHH! thanks ah, you woke my skin up! it was darn funny la.

when i first entered the class, carmen came up to my table and tell me happy birthday! FELT GREAT! =D then pei came into the class and did the same. =D suwen came. and padaa, the day starts!

it seemed really long! and i dont know why. had some kind of STUPID MOODSWING in the morning. -.- by the way, i convinced my dad not to go for the PTM thing. =)) first time i talked to my dad in such a matured manner. alrights, i phrased it wrongly. but who cares! i dont! haha.

end up not watching dorm AGAIN. yeah, emphasis on AGAIN. because i really really really was looking forward to watching it. =(( oh well, the k-boxing wasnt that bad either la! =)) enjoyed myself there. =D speaking of it. all of us went off tune at a certain point. =/ we had fun and that's just it! =D happyhappy. hmm, im still wondering about the mc thing. =/ how??

oh. did i mention that someone forgot my birthday? that stupid carrot. anyway, i learnt something from it la. dont take others remembering your birthday as a li shuo dang ran de shi because not all do, whether on purpose or not. now i know only those who bother to take time to remember will remember. and thanks to those who remembered. =)) love ya all loads.

weirdness.
'i forgot 'cause you never remind me what.'
'suwen! i found your ancestor. [plateau-head guy on the newspaper]'
'uh, are you sure it's that big?'
'so how do you feel about it?'
and some racist thing suwen said about black and whites running on the track. [no royalties!]

basically, today was a ULTRA-GOOD DAY.

pissed but not telling.

2006-03-21T01:34:00.000-08:00

i was so angry, so angry i wanted to type all the shite out so i'll feel better. also change the blog address so nobody, nobody at all, will be affected by it. but i decided not to do so, instead consider those happy funny things that happened today and forget those fucking *ahem* things. so yeah. whatever. me and the big smile. whatever.

basically today is really slacky. having cme, pastoral care and english all in one schedule of five periods and one recess break. HAHA, we lead a slacky life. yesterday we had motivational talk in school, today pastoral care teacher aka gaychua gave out worksheets concerning our exam prep, during exam and after exam. it's really dumb but whatever, it's the system.

all hell broke loose after school. -.- not funny.

1.redhead and group played with some bottles, making them 'deformed'. and carrot explained it as a form of destressing before taking their chinese oral. 2. wyn pei and i hid suwen's handphone. poor thing eh? =P sorry ah. had fun preventing her from taking her handphone back though. 3. caught d****** using the hanky. FUNNY AH! it was though. =)) this week was like WOAH! because i saw him many many many times in one day. yesterday and today. ahhhh.. [sigh with contentment. HAHA, FUNNY AH!] 4. i think tee snatched the waterbottle away from me or something to squirt me back. so i took sim's waterbottle to arm myself. and the 'waterwar' begins. strangely he knows the sim's waterbottle is empty! in the end, we both got one shot at each other. not as wet as the last time stupid silong pour water over me-.- crazy people. 5. suwen and gel imitated funny accents. hilarious! 6. mrs yee asked carrot what's with the huge letter 'J' on his bookcover. kuat went 'jasmine jasmine!' and derek said 'it's jasmine.' funny ah! afraid to let others know you are gay right? =D 7. i was on time [late]. i went up to class to put my bag before going for flag-raising. i saw opposite of me walking into class just at the same time as me. talk about coincidence.

in the bus, i checked my phone for timing. no message receive. and i thought, maybe hit her max msg count already. im too used to certain things and when it changes i feel uncomfortable. but nevermind. i will adapt to it. IM A LIVING THING AFTERALL!! lols.

anyway. im still fussing over ranking friends, according to their importance. boys and girls, all the same what. just that they have different sexual organs and different voicepitch what. whatever la. i just. forget it. not like explaining to you will do any difference to what you already said. sorry that i even mention about that thing. not like you dont know i __________ [fill in the blankS.] whatever.

tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

why dont i sound excited?
dont fucking try to bring me down by saying things like 'so and so is better'. fuck you alright. fuck you. this is not what i call friends. FUCK YOU FOR EVEN TRYING TO BRING ME DOWN. FUCK. YOU.

cut hair! spent a lot.

2006-03-20T06:30:00.000-08:00

shite. i feel bad. my sis spent like 100over bucks for me today. all those cab fares, dinner, snack. AHHHH!

thought it'd be happy but it turned out pretty bad. with pieces and bits of happy incidents inside like eating ritz biscuit but blowing the pieces out at each other. eating only GREEN yuppybears. weird form of printing timetable out [dunno where the other went to-.- f it.] eating lunch in the canteen without rushing at all. sitting in for lessons like english and emath.

never try to talk to anybody until they talk to you. which is like. NEVER. okay, just maybe one or two la. counting the number of people who are like WILLING to take the first step now, it's like so freaking close to zero it's pissing off. fuck it la. im so sorry you are pissed alright! AHH! i swear i'll never initiate talking to that birdhead again. i mean it this time.

feels like shite to talk to you now

you're like saying 'go away if you dont like it.'

FINE. IM GOING AWAY NOW.

YP-D1!

2006-03-19T00:48:00.000-08:00

YayaPapayadashDonkeyONE! loaded 208 songs only! more than enough space la! =))

and that song 'endless love' from shenhua, jackiechan part, as 'forced' by suwen to learn. I CAN SING THE LOWEST NOTE ALREADY! haha, im so pro la. listen to it twice to catch the tune, 'test-sound' to feel how low it is. third time, can sing the correct tune. fourth time? I CAN SING THE EXACT TUNE AT THE EXACT SPEED! except for the ending though. though my speed didnt align with jackiechan himself, it was the exact tune! YES to the power of THREE! =))

LION HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! *fireworks*

oh wells. im going to chant to myself, not three words but four words. mind you, not four letters. it's WORDS. =/ hopefully by chanting that i wont be shooting myself in my foot. you know, like if the thing backfires? oh well. KICK ASS, IM NOT GOING TO GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THAT ANYMORE. how i wish i could screamed that out. eamon's song is nice, the one with a lot of vulgarities. =/ dang. im so uncivilised.

haircut tomorrow in bugis at 6.30pm. 'im bored, shave my head bald please.'

HAHA! YOU WISH AH! =))

will some nice kind sweet pretty/handsome soul tag the tagboard please??

to that particular ass, [perhaps, an ass, with justice, might feel hurt at the comparision]

dont get me any present because i'll throw it away.

best present now, *hint hint* ^.^

somehow this doesnt feel right.

2006-03-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

I GOT IT I GOT IT! ^.^ yeppies. i cant wait to load songs into it tomorrow. AAAAHHHH!! i've got to learn how to sing jackiechan's part in the whadever love song with the courtesy of kohsuwen. =)) remembered i said something like i want you, you, you, you and you to celebrate with me? apparently two are out because of bowling. and urgh! i have to be a bad-ass to song-yong them. but tee saed that he's going to be guaikia. so what m i to say. i suppose i'll just have to let both of them go for their cca la. somehow, i dont feel so right. but yeah! IT'LL BE FUN!

will it be sweet sixteen / horrible sixteen

saturday morning!

2006-03-17T18:16:00.000-08:00

BOO! today is a saturday! it's a saturday MORNING!! ^.^
listening to anhao has never been so nice!
sitting in front of the computer screen without anyone talkable online have never been so boring!
=)) see all the exclaimation marks? !! maybe im not so bored afterall! =D

did math yesterday. im going to try finishing all the work today! =)) hmm, what about L***'s present?? >.< AAAHHH! chocolates are too common, as quoted from wyntrice. should we get her a skirt? =D

anyway! LOVE THE DAY! LOVE ALL OF YOU! LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!!! =DD
p.s those of you there.. try clearing your wednesday lei =))

feels pretty queer to stare at the msn msger window and wonder

should i talk or not?

WYNTRICE HOUSE IS HUGE!

2006-03-17T03:05:00.000-08:00

went to a super huge house today. [at least it's super huge for me la..] went inside air-conditioned super nice home stereo theatre. enjoyed myself. took us minutes to do our project. watched TWO horror movies. namely, dollmaster and the park. =)) then we watched and sang jaychou's mv songs. =D HAPPY DAY! i bought seventeen and teenage. leftt teenage in wyntrice house. hope she knows about it! suwen got chocettes for me. IM SO HAPPY!

i was home early napping. now im not going for tuition. instead, im going to spend tuition time on finishing up late minute homework. i love today. i love my family. im going to get a freaking mp3/mp4 tomorrow, i dont care whatever deal i have to make. im going to crash tuitions tomorrow so my sunday will be TOTALLY FREE for family celebration. im going to spend my day really well. im going to be HAPPY. i asked for a break and i got my break. it's going good, better and DAMN FREAKING WELL! i love the three of you! =) i mean it. i so love iceblended mocha! and fugitive suwen, it's not durian-smelling!

wyn, what's FJT 'iqk'-crazed??

HAHA. typed three times.

2006-03-16T03:23:00.000-08:00

lols. i wrote this over like the third time. i decided it's unneccesary to blog those dissing off thing. surprised me that i didnt cry even though i felt like. =)

anyway, ice blended mocha is nice. wyntrice, suwen, pei, lion, yangsheng, derek, jona, are very nice. i need a break, i really need a break.

'is she making a statement or a question?' [suwen, no royalties! =)]
'tomorrow whole day out.'
'i need a break girl, i need a break =)'
'do you know we look like we are going to murder someone?' [suwen, no royalties! =)]
'get a life la.'

so random! AHHH. conversation are short and sweet.

silence always work when cooling down.

note to person; dont ever try talking to me again because im telling you

I WILL SLAP YOU RIGHT ACROSS YOUR FACE.

im looking forward to next week. DORM! for real this time, i hope.

FUNNY happy. =D

2006-03-15T02:32:00.000-08:00

since when the lock was so tight. -.- psst psst. HAHA!

physics lesson was a mess. WE WERE IN THE HOLIDAY MOOD! and some of us look like the fake production of charcoal. [we are not dark enough.] maybe, dark chocolate mixed with a little of white chocolate will do. =) anyway, i felt really dumb. i asked gaychua a really lame question. 'so how do you calculate the p.d of resistors in parallel?' AAAHHH! i really should start revising. IT IS SEC2 WORK LA! WTH! =//

saw the message 'hey you got my key in school? ...' and i was thinking. what if i didnt bring it to school? that will be horrible. imagine your keys in your friend's hands for one whole week. THAT IS HORRIBLE. IT IS A CRIME! joking. i felt really relieved returning the key to him. surprised he wasnt pissed though. [not that it's anything bad la.]

wyn had to go home immediately, suwen was stuck with her mmc-which-is-stuck-in-the-laptop thus not able to meet up with me for lunch. lucky sam, gel, qin, lion, kel were still there la! if not, what about lunch?? HAHA. so i followed them. made jona go too. to the bowling alley. qin didnt want to go. she bet with me that jona will say anything if she ask him not to go bowling alley. but his reply was

'then go where? go plate-ing?'

HOW FUNNY IS THAT? lols. then sam and lion went

'let's go spoon-ing.'

then i thought, 'after spoon is forks right?' so i went

'then fork lei?'

THAT WAS SUCH A BIG MISTAKE! sam translated it and it was a form of vulgarity. then derek, jona, gel went 'wahlao, you ah.. how can liddat? with who??'

stopped by the bubbletea shop. walked two busstops to katong bowling there. then they played two games. something happened there which was hilarious. derek and jona started staging as pilot and co-pilot. qinyi was the passenger.

'20mins to boonlay. please buckle your seatbelts. ... ...'

LOLS. jokers! ate fish&chips there, sam had kwayteow [WITH CHILLI], qin had burger with chips! =) i was eating so slow, my chips were depleting really fast. qin suggested reporting to the chips policeman. LOLS. funny ah! then derek seemingly tempted by my food, he help me cut the fish into pieces. sweet. had a easy time finishing the fish after that. =))

then went back for chinese extra lesson. waited for dear suwen at the bubbletea shop. jona spoked to her in his 'bangla-ish' tone. got fries for her. the taxi couldnt wait, so we four walked back into school together. NO I WASNT IGNORING YOU ALRIGHT!! lols. funny people walking together create much distress to the neighbouring houses. luckily no dogs got irritated. [im talking gibberish. =)]

chinese lesson was a breeze. we did a lot of summarising. suwen and i talked. girl, im darn sure it's not what you think it's like la! i can feel it. =/ then we finished our work and handed it in. files to be in next monday! HCL FORGIVERS TAKE NOTE!!

then we walked out of the backgate, this dog came running to the fence and barked at us. jona said it isnt angry because of the way it wags its tail. uh, still, the barking sounded really aggressive! so we walked on. chessia bought me cookies&cream icecream. suwen bought VODAVODA. chessia bought some coffee thing. off we go to being aunties. [i mean, fairprice.] bought newspaper and bread home!

today went pretty well once the key returned to its owner. love the day. love the night. love those people who accompanied me today. people, stop slacking and GET SOME WORK DONE!

'when you see his message, will you feel..'

'nnooooo...'

'silly girl! then you dont like him la!'

YES YES YES! I DONT LIKE HIM!!

day 2 with keys. -.-

2006-03-14T00:16:00.000-08:00

woke up late, rushed to school. was early for choir. 9am-3pm. imagine the pain and enjoyment-.-

anyway, i think im going to take a nap now. the day isnt as wonderful as i thought it would be. maybe you like to pray that i will remember to wake up tomorrow morning to attend lessons. the guilt hasnt left me since last night's conversation. fuck the guilt. it's going to be all over tomorrow.

thank suwen wyn qin ang for making me feel better. though it didnt quite convince me but i sure felt assured it was alright. anyway, it'll be over tomorrow.

notice how many times i typed 'it'll be over tomorrow'? that's how hard i tried convincing myself it's alright. on the surface it's just a small simple thing but it isnt. it implicates more. but whatever. it'll be over tomorrow.

wonder if i should post this so i put it in white though i know someone will read it. but whatever. this is what i was thinking and that's just it. im leaving it.

i need sleep.

i want to watch dorm on thursday, anybody willing to accompany me? if you are, message me alright? thanks. i need it a lot.

weird emotions.

2006-03-12T05:10:00.000-08:00

last night was one really weird ____. fill in the blank. i have no idea what is that word. but it just felt really REALLAY weird. and thanks to wyntrice who heard me out past midnight. =) need it a lot a lot a lot.

emotions went loose. i thought i only allow that to happen when i drink. or when im pissed. or, i dont know. it was really queer. i guess i need a break from some people. this whole week of march holidays will do good. real good. im not going to ask those people out. i really hope it's not what i think it feels like. i dont want it to be that way. i rather be having cute-fetish over d-yeo than to feel that way. damnit damnit DAMNIT!

im starting to miss people right now. even those people i need break from. and i miss them a lot.

i wish i can be damn truthful but i cannot be because there will always be some form of implications. and that really sucks.

if knowing you for who you are is a mistake, then maybe i should stop seeing you for who you are and see you as an idiot with a wallet.

---------------------------------------------------

today i spent my day looking through some stuffs. MP3. one's on the way to my hands. i like the sony one. i dont know. i'll have to convince my sister to buy that 'cause she likes the creative one better. whatever la. im getting a mp3, that's it, fullstop! shucks, wyntrice, this is driving me nuts. even the word 'fullstop' reminds me of him. damnit.

then i returned home at 4+, took a nap. ate maggiemee, came online and typed this whole row of bullshite. weird how come a good day can be ruined. fish&co in the afternoon, maggiemee at night.

it's weird. it's weird how confused i am because of you when you have done nothing to me at all. it's weird how i feel like playing story-telling songs instead of senseless ones. it's weird how i can panic when im so clear-headed in giving others advice about such matters. it's weird. it's really weird. so weird, it's driving me up the walls.

tell me how to make this feeling disappear,

because i dont want it here.

it's making me feel so terrible,

im going to burst like a bubble.

AMAZING RACE

2006-03-11T08:32:00.000-08:00

TORTURE.

`1. those five kiddoes thought i was a student leader. [HAHA!]
`2. those five kiddoes named me 'blur queen.
`3. those five kiddoes couldnt stop RUNNING UP AND DOWN THE STAIRS.
`4. those five kiddoes couldnt stop making fun of me.
`5. those five kiddoes are really kiddoes.

it was really funny. i was so 'unlucky' to switch group like twice. ALL BECAUSE of my classmates who want to be with their sec2 friends. ah wells, no problem, im a nice person.

reached school at 5. rested for quite some time, observed the stock in the soccer field. so darn funny. wyntrice and i were mimicking their actions STANDING ON THE BENCHES. lols. it was very very fun. love wyntrice's dove chocs and the uh.. something tots sweet. the green ones la. SO SWEEETTT!

morning was great. i woke up exactly when suwen called me. bathed, left house. reached paya lebar mrt station exactly when suwen reach there. she called me, saying 'you can see me. im the big one in the bright orange shirt! okae, i see you i see you.' [something like that.] so cute la. met up with wyntrice at the macs. WOW. like almost everyone was there. qin, sam, lion, yangsheng. then regina and sheila came to macs for breakfast. didnt eat much. I GOT APPLERINGS! three cheers for me. i bought three packets la!

predicted bus135 will come. and it did. boarded the bus, alighted at the 7-11stop. slacked in there, sat a cab into school. SO NICE. we saw sam, qin, lion, gel, yangsheng walking in. HAHA. honkhonk! threw sweets in the locker. waved byebye to it and slacked at the benches.

im too lazy to type about the race la. all i know is im darn tired. -.-

after the race was fun. i ate dinner with my classmates. THAT ROCKS. =) sadly couldnt follow wyn and su. AHHHH! anw. we stayed in school waiting for SIMYIWEIDEREK. also, the cute choonkuat with purple sprayed hair. ^.^ ahhh, so cute. we played games while waiting for them. so darn scary. dog and bone, HOMELESS DASH. ahh. that was the scary one. anw. it was a whole bunch of fun. thanks girls!

then went to mp for dinner. stopped by the bubbletea store. did something weird. sorry sam, i really didnt mean to touch there.. anyway, i thought qin saed 'no fastfood.' isnt mos burger fast food? ohwells, IT WAS NICE! EBI RICE. we crapped about monday. =) poor gel couldnt get to her home.

went window-shopping. BUT IT WAS WARPED BECAUSE MY PARENTS WERE CONFUSING ME! because they were undecisive about going where! -.- but it turned out well la. i got to see the beanie and the sleek mp3.

basically this is this saturday. it felt really great. I LOVE IT A LOT A LOT BECAUSE OF YOU PEOPLE OUT THERE.

called choonkuat to go on monday, he sounded really tired. the conversation was funny. it cheered me up A LOT. not like he'll read this but im saying it here. thanks choonkuat.
'hey kuat'
'hey'
'sleeping ah?'
'no la, reading something..'
'uh.. reading something??'
'comics la, what you thinking..'
'monday free? [details]'
'HUH? dont ask me out lerh la.. i need rest..'
'eh, dont like that la.. come okae?'
'okay ba.. see how still..'

he sounded so... AHHH. damn cute la.

dont know why talking to him made my heart feel so sweet

i hope it's not what i think it sounds like

sweet friday

2006-03-10T02:26:00.000-08:00

say sayonara to school and aloha! march holidays packaged with stacks and stacks of homework. naming ENGLISH, CHINESE, PHYSICS, AMATHS, SOCIALSTUDIES, E.LIT. my my, that's a lot.

saw ***. like FINALLY. in the lecture theatre that is. =)) caught *** sleeping and all. so cute. geez, ask me when this cute fetish about *** will stop. im telling you i dont know. =) somehow, i felt like he caught me looking. [horrible] but it's alright. looking is no crime.

anyway, the main thing was about the lecture. it was about studies. as usual. torturous, slow, stupid talk. i think they should hold some talks for parents too. i think teenagers like us listen to it ALL THE TIME. sometimes, adults should really lay back and relax on the topic about studies. i made a sarcastic-short-laughter when the principal talked about 'trusted adults'. sometimes, 'trusted adults' are under so much pressure themselves, they dont even have the time to listen. what more is left to say about REALLY listening.

HA. 'trusted adults' advice? you are not trying hard enough. define trying. define hard. define every single thing they say, and you'll realise they dont even know what they are saying! as much as it makes sense to our tinney-winney brains, we dump them all in the dustbins. but then, im not saying adult's major speech about studies are total trash. most of the time it makes sense. other times, we just dont want to take it in. let's just put it in some complicated language [or not].

'trusted adults' and us are on different wavelengths that with certain KEY, the wavelengths join to become one wavelength.

i realised anything can be linked to studies. even walkman can be linked to studies. LOLS. speak about twisted minds. how twisted can those 'trusted adults' minds be? THAT TWISTED, alright.

speak about contradictory. everybody contradicts their speech in one way or another. ALWAYS. try remembering the conversation you had. the sentences in it will most probably end up contradicting.

realised that aloha to march holiday is full of reluctance. holiday but that means less seeing of classmates and friends AND MORE 'STUDY! O'LEVELS! STUDY!!'. fuck it. blogging seems to become my form of release. plug-in became my form of relieving stress. staying long hours in school doesnt seem to be so dissing anymore. instead, it felt really comfortable. guess my next line. school's my home. i love staying in school. ask me to stay in school with you. if i have no obligations, I WILL STAY IN SCHOOL WITH YOU.

i want walkman. i want fullhouse dvd. i want one litre of tears dvd. i want *points around the classroom* you, you, you, you, you and you to celebrate with me. i want to do anything i feel like doing that day. I WILL SKIP CHOIR. i want pencilcase. i want that nike jacket. i want letters of recognition. i want to show you my princessy attitude. [the last one's a joke.]

i want so many things.

but one thing that'll definitely make me the happiest that day.

YOU remembering it.

lunch at 4.32 =))

2006-03-09T03:15:00.000-08:00

school started out really funny. PEIYEE ORGANISED MY LOCKER!! it was in such a mess, my files bend, some papers are crumpled and i found a thermometer in my locker. LOLS. just when you dont need it, you find it. =) now my locker's inside is ssooo darn prettay im going to take a peek in it everyday! ^.^ anyway, we were walking back to class to get peiyee's stuffs before going to the LT1 to watch the news when we saw ***. SO CUTE! =)) what a great start of the day.

caught suwen in her 'flasher' thing and told her 'let's watch the news.' and we did! LOLS. funny la. the whole class was supposed to watch it, but only choonkuat, suwen, regina, sheila, benng, weishun, suwen and me did. -.- bell rang and we continued staying in the LT1 until people started leaving the LT. =/

but, SLN approached me during flag-raising. uhhuh, suwen said her tone was really stern. hmm, maybe she is. BUT IT'S ALRIGHT. though it upset my mood a little, it's alright. then we went to the audi to collect english assignments. it's factual recount; eye-witness report. and CNA news thing. also, 1100words book. oh yeah. REMEMBER TO BRING THE BOOK!

during cme, we watched a show. cant remember the name, but everybody was listening intently. it was soft la, obviously. rich and poor get together on a campus. some fell asleep.

emaths, we did frequency distribution or whatever it is called. it's statistic. HAHA. so, we sort of slacked through emaths la. apart from the fact we asked the teacher what we didnt hand in. SHE IS SCHEMING! she said she's keeping those for the midyear's detention which is in june holidays, everyday. HA-HA. here's a hint. START DOING ALL THE HOMEWORKS! =) and she's not scheming la, she's pretty nice and lenient for a teacher. =))

recess was a mess, i have no idea what we were doing. but i know one thing for sure. we were listening to music and doing work! =/ and some copied physics work. i copied one for jona. uh, it is so easy even i know how to do la! =))

physics was plain stupid. we had to waste time on travelling from our classroom to physics lab. HA! and did some copying of what gaychua wrote on the board and calculating for the actual current and voltage. afterwhich, he gave us a stack of holiday homework. it was SO MUCH, he can just order us to do the whole of chapter electricity and chapter d.c [or whatever it is.]. =)

so, we walked back to our classroom. LOLS. i was doing some vocal range of peiyee's name. high to low and low to high again. then near that class, wyn suwen and peiyee went 'jasminee ah..!' funny! =)) then getting back to class. wyn wanted to go to the toilet, so we did! and that class happened to be going for their physics or whatever lesson. ^.^ saw ***! HAHA! say im crazy, i couldnt stop laughing. glad i didnt turn pink at that. wyn wouldnt let me enter the toilet, so we stood at the door waiting for ***. he came and wyn said 'hey!' and i whispered a 'hi', his blur face went 'hi' and he SMILED! ^.^ ahhh. so cute!

english teacher was absent. so during reading&discussion period, we did our assignment! i was the last out of the four of us =/ [wyn,pei,su,me] main thing is, I FINISH IT BEFORE 2.00!

we went to LYL's table, she was m.i.a. so wyn suggested writing a note. i wrote a 't' and she came back. 'hello!' she greeted us. wow, she isnt that fierce afterall. took the tickets and im having trouble selling it.

chungcheng and pasirris sec,victoria concert hall, 7.30pm, 4th April[tuesday]. tickets going at $10 and $15, while stocks last. ANY TAKERS???

then wyn, pei and suwen left for basketball match. HEY SUWEN, i heard wanton went too! =)) i hope you guys took some photos for me.. =/ soon after, qin lion and sam left. hmm. happy outing! leaving kuat, racheline, carrot, jona, junhao.. many many people! =/

apparently i was counting the papers suwen collected. i was like a retard who dont know how to count properly la! i counted it like 4times before i got the numbers correct. WTH! >.<>horny joke for redhead and him. AHH. i didnt mean it that way la.. but it's alright. laughing is good.

i told carrot i couldnt erase his 'artwork' from my arm, guess what he said. he accused me of not bathing. TO HELL WITH THAT LA! weather so darn hot. -.- nevermind. stink you stink you! HAHA. so horrible. redhead joined in too. i think they enjoy drawing a lot la. anyway, it was rather fun. =)) next round, i'll draw on both of your arms.

jona ate the black wrapper sweet which suwen said it doesnt taste nice. i told him, and he continued opening it. he said it taste like chinese herbs and have milky taste. he told me to try, i did reluctantly. alright, the taste was fine, but very dry. >.< 'dont have to struggle with it.' 'spit it out if you dont like it.' but i finished the sweet off! =D alright, not that it's anything great.

went out of class, put the two ties in my locker. IT'S SO NEAT! LOVE THE LOCKER NOW! =))

came back, listened to racheline+silong practicing for talentime. kuatkie+yeeling too! LOLS. theresa and some other girl was helping. kuatkie+yeeling's method of rehearsing is so unique. they stood so far. guess what is the distance for. IT'S TO MAKE KUATKIE SING LOUDER. haha. after that, kuatkie entered the class, i was carrying my bag, ready to leave. i stood in front of him, facing him but not directly la. he sang. after awhile, he started laughing and hand-signalled me to move away. i didnt know looking at him could distract him. =)) LOLS, joker!

that racist joke suwen told me was SO HILARIOUS! even though i heard the joke for like 5times [or maybe more.], i still laughed at it! =)) hehs, being a joker is good. having jokers is better! =)) cheers you up everytime something crashes on you by diverting your attention. love all of you. for real.

jona, mr long/short, carrot and me made our way to audi. jona stopped at the top of the steps. i knocked into him. -.- wondered what the hell was he doing. he and carrot looked at each other and tiptoed. JOKERS! =)) there was a sign saying 'silence in the foyer'. HAHA. then i put the assignment in mrs mabelyee's locker. i nearly leave my physics textbook there too la! >.< color="#6600cc">'jaytee, careful!'
carrot squirts water out of his bottle in front of jona. repeatedly. JOKERS! funny la.
'come, give it to me. i always want to play.'
HAHA.

walked out. he asked me about tomorrow's choir.

'going ah?'
'you guess.'
'no'
'why lei?'
'you always ponning whad. haha.'
'no, im going! HAHA.'
'yeah right.'

LOLS. we are so lame. then took 43, leaving carrot with the 'disgusting rubbish'. >.<>song-yong-ed me about PONNING CHOIR! lols. all because of suwen's old airport! tsktsk. =)) disturbed him saying if i go, i'd be 'dian deng pao'. he didnt understand, i did a direct translation. 'lightbulb'. he replied 'yeah right. my girlfriend is here now lorh.' HAHA! 'what about sim?' 'he ah. one night stand only la.' LOLS. that makes junhao one day stand then.

had a hilarious experience at macs. what happened later? HAHA. suwen, i saw three left earhole guys occupying three tables. =)) but i know you are taken. by wanton.

'go where?'
'macs'
'what macs?'
'[next syllable] don'
'dawn? dawn owns a store??'
'macdonalds la!'
'HAHAHAHAHHA'

all of my friends brighten my life up

just like a candle placed in the middle of a room.

suddenly everything seems to fine.

2006-03-08T02:47:00.000-08:00

i dont want to be like Orh-ssin-no, wallowing in self-pity. it's outrageous and nobody will give a damn. im not some oh-so-rich-kid or anyone to be really looking up to. so that's fine with me. i'll just have to be in this plight for as long as it lasts.

feels so darn pathetic, but anyway, who ask me to be this stupid and careless. it's my own fault and no matter how much tuition i have it wont help. did this compo today. suppose to find a title of our own from the magazine YI LING. and i did. those that caught my eyes seemed to point at my studies. and i did write about my studies. i wrote quite a bit before i got stuck at the second page. Geraldine read my essay, she went 'there's two points you can write from. the results or the stress. i sense more stress la, so i'll continue the compo emphasising on that.' aha. it's true that writing shows true emotions.

three things that made my day much better.
`1. i wrote 'you can write about the world, but the world wont remember you.' in the aussino notebook and wyntrice answered it with 'if the world slaps you slap it back. toss your head and just WALK ON BY!!!'
`2. i met priscilla at the bus12 busstop. when we got on the bus, i confide to her about my studies which i failed by 1-2marks and none passing. and i studied for it, so to hell with studying for tests. [or not.] when i was about to go, she told me 'jasmine, i love you. dont be stressed okay?' i turned and told her 'me too.' she did the handsign. 'love. you.' and waved byebye.
`3. suwen talking about those 'awkward' things to me. things i never thought she'd talk to me about until i do.

i tried to be high this morning. HAHA. but got to tired by literature. ended up snoozing awhile, and i really fell asleep until my leg went numb and i woke up. dava loves to create 'RECREATION' for his students in the march holidays. he threw a stack of homework to us. act one, create two questions and get the answers. also, the unseen prose.

i saw temasek junior college then a thought struck me. dont get stuck in the moment, live for the moment. after telling everything to them, maybe i'll feel better [or get into more trouble.]. anyway, it's a long way to PRELIMS. and i'll crash course it. even if it takes me to sacrifice my life. i will do it. say im a slave of the books for all you want.

recess gone by fast with blasting of losing yourself and simianchuge and shanhuhai through the earphones in my ears. i finished the geog hw in 10mins. amazing record. and suwen drew a smiley face on my paper. thanks girl, i need it a lot. =)

like my bro told me. if you are angry with that person, vent your anger only on that person. i guess i havent master the art of it yet. =( but i will soon, filling my head up with inspirational stories, nice angry songs, happy songs.

anyway, i shall not be bothered anymore. like i've been saying since monday, it doesnt pay to be nice. so say sayonara to 'nice' and aloha! 'mean'.

carrot [kered] wrote my name on my arm. thinking i can wash it away, i just let him draw. then soon enough, redhead joined in. he wrote 'gaymine gong'. [joke of the day!] their drawings went alll the way up my arm, and it looked horrible. like my arm's in a skin-coloured cast covered with drawings. stupid redhead wrote so hard, my skin turned red. after all the work, i went to wash it off, TO NO AVAIL. but anyway, the soap should do the job. =)) p.s: i didnt know sim had so much strength. -.-

i dont know girl. just give me a call or whatsoever if you really mean to talk. i seriously left my phone on the table. i was seated away from my desk, if you happened to see me when you entered FG for a short laughter with sim.

one shite, two shite, three shite, four.

four shite, three shite, ~~two shite, one.~~

you have none.

GOOD FOR YOU. =D

FUNNY.

2006-03-06T05:34:00.000-08:00

i thought she LOOKED like she was left out so i smacked her bag and what did i get a fuck-off reaction she expressed her irritation by moving away. fine. then she gave the fucked up face like it was my fault. OH IM SO SORRY I OFFENDED YOU TRYING TO BE NICE. it doesnt pay to be nice. so yeah. the message you sent is really clear. and guess what, i wont be nice to you. you can go around and cry like it's my fault and you are the victim because I CLEARLY KNOW IM NOT BULLYING YOU IN ANY FUCKING WAY. SORRY AYE?

anyway, the day went pretty fine. i knew it was going to go fucked up. =) dont ask me why, it's six sense. and it did. but it turned out to be rather fine due to those jokers. =D

guess my reaction was really drastic la. because the blur jona actually tapped my head with dunno what finger [hopefully not universal sign.] and asked 'what's wrong' and amos became 'ahem. anything?' HAHA.

anyway, my results SUCKS. and those.. lols. no names, but hey DROP IT AND BE MORE SENSITIVE TO THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU LA. blehs, alright. that's basically it. no details, nothing.

p.s you can really help by leaving me alone and NOT EVEN TRYING.

one word to calm my nerves. d******.

losing yourself.

2006-03-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

`1shite. [cleared up.]
`2shite. read someone's blog. it made me realise so much. so much im boiling inside. i wonder if steam will rise out of my head and leave my head bald like the hawk. are you wondering why? because that blog shows me the exact opposite of what she told me personally AND over the phone. so im wondering what's all that shite about. complaining and all. it sounded really reasonable, and all of a sudden. it's the exact opposite. like rhyming couplets that never fit together, a song without lyrics, a radio without deejays. it sucks so much because i dont know which to believe. the writer/ spokesman in that person? WHICH ONE. fuck it. girl, cut me some slack. next time you wanna tell me things, try coinciding with what you are going to write in your blog will you?

makes me wonder a lot. what was i thinking. all those thoughts 'oh, we had a connection today.' wtf alright. now it's starting to feel like it's all bullshit. when this kind of thing happens it makes me ponder. do i really know my friends they way i think i do? IS THAT THE PERSON I THINK IM TALKING TO? seemingly, all the movies and shows i watch recently reflects what im going through now. and really, it sucks. because i seem to be riding a rollercoaster. my mood's on the swing. and my voicebox is closing up. this is the end. i just hope the rollercoaster im riding on dont have any idiots who carry loose objects like camera.

as quoted from wyntrice. 'think of better things in life.. like that blur ** boy.. =)'

forlorn saturday

2006-03-04T06:36:00.000-08:00

day started out crapping with suwen. ended the day with a fucked-up mood. and it seems to be written on my forehead irritate-me-and-you-get-hell-back because my parents arent stopping me from the computer today. and yeah, they usually do.

and that sianed voice didnt help make things any better when i was playing some silly games on the web trying to cheer myself up. i cannot believe i tried to make a sianed person smile by doing stupid things like being lame. and i dislike egoistic people, so mind you. please fuck off and dont try boasting your bloody big ego in front of me. because i'll battle the hell out of you with words and make you worth not even a cent. so just fuck off.

that maze game. ended with a face like chucky screaming its head off. i was totally freaked out. as i mentioned, face like CHUCKY. you know that horrordoll show? yeah. i dont like that doll, im scared of that show, and i refrain from watching anything associated with it. if it had been other kind of horrifying face, i might just get a shock and burst out laughing. but no, it looked just chucky. and i had to see it before i sleep.

what. ever.

chen, jona's haircut.

2006-03-03T02:19:00.000-08:00

i made a promise. and evidently, i'll have to keep it. THREE MONTHS. =/ will anyone like to kill me now? saddens me when my birthday falls on a WEDNESDAY. =( someone please cheer me up.

being a very kind person i am, i walked suwen out of the school and to the busstop, with chessia. we were talking endlessly. then suwen bought fries, added curry for her sister. bus43 came and POOF! she left. leaving behind chessia and me.

pathetically we traced our steps back to the school. the weather wasnt very nice, it was extremely hot. it felt like in any moment we'd be dehydrated. alright, im exaggerating. then this BOY [notice i didnt use the word guy?] carrying a sling bag lowly walked in our direction. chessia asked me something.

'is that derek?'
'evidently not. he rarely walks alone.'
'but it looks like derek.'
'noooo, look at the way he walks. so gay!'
'hahaha.'

lols, whatever. but that guy is kind of short to be derek [though..]. and derek doesnt walk in that manner, mind you chessia. =)

then nearer to the school, just outside the fences. jona called chessia. we saw him in the rush of all the chungcheng-iers walking out of school. that brown-head. -.- joking. he left school without his bag, saying he'll be returning to study and kick soccer. we had a minor debate about him leaving and just staying in school. of course that ass won la. he returned with a SUPER short hair and a flat-battery phone.

ran into school, saw wyn. passed the camera safely back to her. and PRONTO! her mum's black car arrives. oh yeah! we took photos today! =) so chio, so cute, so funny. i enjoyed myself posing in front of the camera. it's like so different from the normal smiles. =/ do i sound weird? tell me if i do please.

then we returned to our individual classes. my class had a HUGE gathering [so-called]. those people are heading the career guidance thing at suntec i guess. =) since kuat was there.

I SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED SUWEN OUT LA! =/ my fickle head. maybe im getting affected by suwen's plateau head. HAHA, joking la! dont take it to heart kae?

after all that. a little time for peaceful callings of the angels and devils in my heart. alright, so dramatic. i mean, my private time alone. given by chessia chen. she accompanied huanyuet to the canteen area for her wushu. did i mention? suwen's brother is so cute! =)) apparently chessia was down for SSOOOO LONG, i fell asleep until my phone's message tone ringed. suwen's reply.

read YILING. so inspirational. kind of interesting but tiring to read those chinese characters. =P but it's alright since it's for some kind of meanings in life and sorts. drank green tea and listened to music while doing so. my phone battery level was down to two bars.

DONT SAY THINGS YOU DONT MEAN TO. i hate to admit it, but suwen's so bloody right. now i know why suwen doesnt want to hear things she wants to hear, but want to hear things other people really want to say even if it'll hurt. i shall be not diplomatic. =S

jona returned and finally did my math question. one try and it's CORRECT. apparently i mis-read the question.
'i've always been a math genius. just that im lazy.'

'eh.. you have sore throat and cough now right?'
*nods head*
'then.. you say you're going to have flu right?'
*nods head, looks up*
'HA!'
'oh no, next is fever.'
'yeaps. please dont dont come to school when you have fever.'

the day ended with jona and chessia walking me out. ALL THE WAY. to the bus12 busstop. im so touched by their gesture. not only they did that, they waited for bus12 with me. THANKS! ahha. i wonder, did they return to school by foot or taxi. i think by my ingenious idea of hailing a cab.. =)) CABBY!

funny comments!

2006-03-01T02:59:00.000-08:00

why am i starting to feel the 'bridge' again? Is it me being sensitive?? SU-EN-TRICE [su and trice] AH! SAVE ME!! =( anyway, today is the last day of CT! and that marks the beginning of slogging all over again. AND FUN too. hopefully tomorrow proves that it's alright to have some crazy fun once in awhile. so i'll sleep early tonight so i wont get moodswings tomorrow.

speaking of moodswings. i got foul mood after the emath test. everyone around me was discussing about the paper. as quoted from Mrs Ho, 'like the paper is very important.' im definitely not saying it's anybody's fault. it's just me la huh. just me myself me.

one thing to note. im getting the wantonfeverish-illness. SOMEBODY TAKE ME AWAY FROM WANTON NOODLES. -.- lols. alright, it's kind of obvious now that im really bored?.

apparently i've been feeling really distant these days. i mean, with [almost] everyone. so it likes little things make me really high. like seeing that cute guy along the corridor. and listening to shannwee at night. and singing xiaochenli from HUOYUANCHIA. *hinthint* now you know what symptoms show that im feeling distant.

i realised something. when we arrange according to class register numbers. only suwen+me and kuat+sim sit next to our partners! so interesting la. =))

then today we were made to arrange our tables and chairs back to 'norm'. LOLS. the class was in a huge commotion for about 7mins or so. pretty fun though. all i did was stand by my chair. help adjust tables and chairs for people to move around while the others were like moving from the front to the back and viceversa. =)

jona was being the usual joker. he slumped into the chair beside me, called me, smiled and said.
'eh carry me over.'

suwen, wyn and pei are reaaaalllly fun to be around la! serious. recess time with them was havoc-ly fun and hilarious! emo specs, muffin, universal sign and that ekky i-dunno-how-to-wear-bra-ass was the butt of our jokes. mainly the first and the last things la. we are sooo evil. but evil people live long. SO YEAH. suwen got shot back after sometime. =)) all thanks to.. HEH! and i finally understood what's with the 'all hail buzzbuzz' thing. o.O like it was my 'dad' and i didnt know. well, in no place to comment anything about it la.

i bet tomorrow's going to be real fun! i so so SSSOOO look forward to it la. so i hope nothing spoils the thing tomorrow. i wont even allow myself to spoil it la! =) and after asking jona why he doesnt want to go. i was feeling like 'oh! like that ah.' -.- i think im too used to just going out in threes and thus used to suwen and jona's presences all at the same time. he says it's not a horror movie so he isnt really keen on going. pa-daa. that's one horror-flick. anyway, dear dear DEAR suwen who likes to read obituaries [is that the spelling?], im going. hopefully nothing last minute will stop me from doing so. =))

then there was the chemistry remedial which i sort of attend it alone. pei left with qin and kel. wyn and su went to the mp. i didnt go because i thought su looked like she had things to talk with wyn in private. matter of fact, actually i was really tempted to pon choir. but yeah. let's just leave it there, yeah? anyway, i said i attended chem remedial alone right? i meant without wyn, su and pei. so it was rather=( but quite interesting because jona was playing with the mobile karaoke and kuat was like.. i dont know. doing something funny? =)

'any other songs?'
'nopes, just this one.'
'ha-ha-ha. so lame!'

then he leaves his handphone on his deck playing some song and left the classroom awhile. i dont think it's eninem. didnt sound like it.

darn. ionic equation, three catagories 1) precipitate reaction 2) displacement reaction 3) metal and grp7. and i didnt know how to do the 2nd question. calcium carbonate and nitric acid, i think. asked amos and came to no conclusion, REGRETFULLY. i think i'll have to start memorising the reactivity series and solubility thing. so yeah, my chemistry is that bad. so just stfu if you arent going to help me get better in it. if you want to say it's easy in my face, you are in for trouble alright. yes, that's a warning. maybe im threatening you, i dont know. figure it out yourself since you are such a smartarse.

after mrs lim left the classroom, i started packing up. i found this line particularly sweet for i-dont-know-what-reason.
'then what am i staying back for?'

sometimes things happen when you least expect it.
sometimes it feels so right you just want to tell the person the truth

'i love you.'

but sometimes it's been said so much it becomes.

just a joke.

cagedmen.

2006-02-28T00:42:00.000-08:00

Stared out of the window, look across the pavement, the old folks' home under that lok-kok house. noticed two birdcage doors. opps. i mean, gates. it looks suppressing. its existence seem to serve as a mighty cage to lock those old folks up like they are criminals. how much excruciating pain those old folks feel. to be there, to be stuck there. maybe the gates are just there to protect the old folks from getting stolen from the rear of the home. maybe the gates are there to make sure the old folks feel safe, like some form of protection. so many maybes. so many i-dont-knows.

i was heard today. yes, heard. [okay. i know i didnt phrase it the right way.] thanks girl for listening to me crap all the way. it was like the first conversation that someone genuinely listen to what i was trying to convey. for i-dont-know how many times in a row i had to repeat myself like three four times. and i saw that freaking hand for i-dont-know how many times when i was the one who was talking first and someone else calls her, she show that hand, to me. LIKE HELLO?? and i thought conversation comes at the first come first serve basis. ah-ha. im so wrong about it la. -.-

wyntrice, i really appreciate it. it felt like we were learning from each other and not 'im smart and you are dumb' feeling. thanks a lot.

sometimes i just wonder if im very very sensitive. but it turns out, im not. she is more sensitive than i am. and the way she reacts, i dont approve it. [alright, who am i to approve or not.] there's such a thing called karma. treat the person you want the person to treat you. HEY! maybe YOU like to enlighten me! what makes you so different from others when you do the same back to that person? why bring yourself down to their level? i mean, there are many ways to hit them back in the face, isnt it? i dont know, i guess this is just one of the many different views we have.

i. shall. not. talk. to. THAT. tomorrow.

why do i go to school each day and realise there's more difference between us. she make me want to say we are hiding behind a facade and yet she thinks there is no fake or real.

10 things i hate about parents.

2006-02-24T18:07:00.000-08:00

i shocked myself earlier. those ekky long-winded screams and tears gushing out. i still cannot believe i did that. i mean, i didnt know one night can create sum up so much 'pain' and bottled up anger and upsetness. alright, thinking about it, im crying again. i cannot believe that last night i cried and fell asleep crying. as some of my friends know, i throw things when im utterly pissed or utterly upset. i did. i threw all the papers on the bed and onto the floor. kick those toys lil' rachel left on the floor onto the other bed. pulled my bag, swung it and it hit the fan. i wish i could pour all this shite feeling out to them but i dont want to. because i know i'd cry if i started talking. and when i cry, whatever comes out of my mouth wont make any sense because i cannot think straight. it's just as blurry as the eyes when the tears start pouring out. and then they'll think im crazy. and when things like this make me cry. those voices just start ringing in my head repeatedly. like some kind of irritating voice-recording machine. 'you know you are mixing with the wrong group of people and yet you still hang out with them.' 'this is o'levels you know, shouldnt you get off the computer and start studying?' 'no using of computer unless you have projects/assignments to do.' 'you can just come back home and study. why must group study?' 'i told you you are a dead duck once you enter the wrong class. you just wouldnt listen, would you?' why does it seem like everything i do is wrong. i really dont dont dont fucking dont get it. why. what's wrong with studying it my way. it's really not like i was playing whole day and not studying. i really feel like tearing up all the books. i was so fucking happy when i could stay back on thursday. i really was. then everything had to fall apart on friday. why do weekends have to be this bad. WHY. WHY THE FUCK. really why. i dont like staying home anymore. it just doesnt feel home. definition of home? a place to rest, eat, sleep. but what happen to it? it became like a fucking warfare i have to face myself everyday. ' so how are your studies going?' yeah, this question is asked out of pure concern. but does my face tell you 'im a book.' why do you have to ask me this everyday. i know the o's is coming. I KNOW ALRIGHT. so just fucking stop reminding me. i get irritated. i show you faces. and im in the wrong. sorry la. im sorry okae. i just dont like to come back home from school and get nagged about studies again. i get enough of it in school already. why cant you cut me some slack. why. even if you did, you make me feel so fucking guilty. why. i dont understand it one bit. i really need to call someone and talk now. but i know i'll end up crying to the phone and the person on the otherside wouldnt know why. so what's the point actually. what's the point. what's the point of living. what's the point. i feel so fucking lost when i start crying non-stop like now, as i type this shite out. i dont know if what i type is making any sense. i just want to get it out of my head and feel better. i just out. i really just want out. i know this is just a passing phase. but why does this one seem to stay forever? why. why do i have to live in this system whereby i study in school, i return home and cramp studies in again. why. when i get this pointless upset. i just. i just do anything they tell me to do. like 'go eat your breakfast.' i do it immediately. 'dont watch tv la, do something else.' even if it's in a fucking stupid joking tone. i hate it. i know the something else is study. i did it still. even if i didnt like it one bit. 'we are leaving.' i came out to slam the door at their face. how i wish. i still have to hole a fake smile on my face for the. i really wish i had the guts to jump down now. i look out of the window feeling like a caged bird. i stare at this screen thinking i should be typing down all the happy things. but what am i doing? im struggling. struggling to look beyond my tears. struggling to think of those happy things. struggling to make myself love studying again. struggling. this sounds so pathetic. i just want to get qinyi her jacket, and not create trouble for them. they wouldnt allow me to. they insist on fetching me to suntec to get her present in that 2h break i have in the afternoon. fine. my life's in your hands, you can kill me if you want to. do anything with it. when i want to make my own decision you wouldnt allow me to. when i dont want to, you force me to. am i that irritating? so irritating im always playing the opposite side of what you two want of me. every night i sit and think. what can i do to make all this better? nothing comes to me. nothing. every day i get to school with a smile. a bright smile. i dont even know if it came out naturally or i just wished i was that happy. i really dont know. sounds pathetic doesnt it. i wrote a 5 pages essay and that friend of mine had to say. 'you write so long to get just a passing A mark.' thanks a lot. it means a lot to me. i think words can get so hurtful it just scars you for life. then, yesterday. 'go home study ahh..', 'dont ting xiong zou lu horh..' made me smile at i walked back home. though it wasnt much of a encouragement, but it made my day better. maybe i should start listening more. i'll just shut up. i'll just shut those voices out. live life in the way of 'it's my shite and i'll take it in my hands, my way.'

one wish; to have the inability to talk, be dumb.

second; get drunk with bacardi lime. and not think about this shite EVERagain.

third; just get her present. i dont want to be late.

fourthwish; i looking at things, feeling nothing inside.

fifth; i just wish i wouldnt cry like this again.

sixth; STOP FEELING. if not i'll cut myself. i dont want to. it's stupid.

seventh; the fun im supposed to have.

eighth; those people who make me feel better. and happier.

note to self. =)

2006-02-22T01:56:00.000-08:00

well, the day started out rather bad. note that i did not wake up at the wrong side of the bed. i just, saw things that i dont like, heard things that i totally ____. fill up the blank if you like. it's just so freaking absurd LA. how difficult is it to... AHHHH! nevermind. im taking suwen's words for it. so, im getting that irritating-trash-feeling out of my head.

some people should really LISTEN UP. really. it's not like if you voice out NOW, you wont ever speak your opinions again. listening and waiting for your turn to talk DOES NOT HURT ONE BIT. so, LISTEN UP. dont just fucking fix your mind on something and every freaking person have to succumb to your wishes.

basically, everyone was slacking during chinese today. we sat in the lecture theatre and watched the XI YOU JI which was rather funny. as suwen described it, the monkey king resembled pll when he smiles/smirks. we read the BAO MI HUA when we returned to class. after that, i checked my phone only to see jona's message requesting me to help him ask someone bring his chinese books down for him. yes, that jona who is late for like the first time [as inferred from classmates' reaction upon knowing he is late.] my apologies! thankfully he didnt need it because his class too, read the BAO MI HUA throughout the lesson.

then it was literature. apparently we were to analyse the poem and answer three questions within that one hour. alright, according to the words in the poem, MY ENGLISH IS HORRIBLE. ahhh! anyway, what i mean is, half the time i dont understand the poem. i used my crapper-brain to analyse the poem. hopefully, it makes some sense and ms adri can understand what im trying to convey. [that reminds me. 'in the last six lines of the poem, what is the poet trying to convey?']

time dragged on to chemistry. apparently we are doing the organic chemistry, the supposedly HUGE chapter. Now we gone past 'isomerism' [is it?], now heading to the properties of alkenes. uh, i think so. now she speaks of double bonds between two carbon atoms making it more reactive than the single bonds one. i was stoning throughout. then i noticed suwen being really really REEEAAALLLLY attentive. so much for a day, it was like she caught a fever or something. suddenly, she's all 'excited' to study. wow. i wish i could catch the fever too. let's play the game, 'pass the virus'.

recess came. i asked some of them what they want. apparently, those whom i asked said no but thanks and those i didnt, they automatically tell me! haha, cute. then once we are done with buying, we returned to class. on our way, sim was standing at the corridor. waiting i supposed. back in class, we were eating all the way. suwen ate the crust of the currypuff and threw the fillings to derek. i surmised that HE ATE IT. he's like always hungry. such a high metabolism man.. i wish i was like that too.

ah. there was this period which i got really =(. then, i was about to leave the classroom for the toilet when sim grabbed my arm and tried moving it over his head. then, HAHA! my arm knocked his head. it wasnt on purpose alright. i guess he thought i would lift my arm up or something. but i was too sehed to do anything about it. so, my apologies for knocking your head in such a creative manner. =) well, that sort of cheered me up. so, thank you too.

A maths i was all awry [is there such a word??]. i mean tired, shagged. oh whatever. anyway, my mood went down the hill la. then it was unable to get better unless i got a nap or something. apparently suwen noticed it and drew a smiley face on my paper using her thin eraser. thanks dear girl, it sure made me smile though it became a frown fast. =P then dunno what sim said, i started smiling. and he went 'oie, smile smile smile. dont smile la.' then i returned to my frown. -.-

E geog came and the mood didnt get anywhere better. except the part where suwen wrote 'food bus' or something. the clay marble story imitation la. so cute. i was doodling on jona's paper. sorry ah. i need to disturb somebody. and that somebody had to be you. AHA! =/

oh. did i mention. kered [carrot] tried on my specs. it was BLURRY for him, that dumbdumb. bud anyway, he look like a nerd wearing my specs. the look without specs suit his character better. anyway, suwen took photo with him AND my specs. LOLS. jokers. told him not to smile, and he didnt. so guai^.^ but anyway, the shots looked cute. hmm, i know what suwen will say. 'it's because im in the photo!', right? =))

this day, i realised things i never want to know about those people i like a lot.

insecurity

2006-02-20T05:27:00.000-08:00

how should i put it. that weekend went was like running up the mountain for fresh air. breathless and irrelevant. okae, like wth am i saying right?

one appearance of someone in my room made me ponder over something. ponder over something so hard, i had no trouble squeezing the tears out of my eyeballs. no trouble at all. saying it's 'one litre of tears' only exaggerates it. but it felt that way. only that the tears didnt release my uneasiness.

what did i do. what did i do to make my parents feel so much insecurity? what did i do to create their huge anxiety? what did i do to make them so short fused? what. did. i do.

i dont get it. i seriously dont. not one bit. it's not like i havent been putting in any effort and all i did all week was to play and nothing else. alright, maybe it's just that they arent seeing my effort that's all. BUT HEY. i study in front of their faces while they read their newspapers on sundays? what more am i suppose to do? take a cab home everyday after school and slog it out. it's not like im a genius or whatever. it just doesnt work out that way for me. i know they just want me to have better future. but dont they see the point that. by continuously accusing me of playing only serves to irritate me? by continuously pointing out the unsatisfying side of me doesnt help one bit to motivate me to be a better ass? by continuously 'shaffing' books in my face will only make me hate it more? i feel so fucking stressed for the first time. all these? unneccessary i say. look at how i fared in P6 when there was 'trouble'. i did it all by myself. why cant you have the same believe in me? im older, im supposedly wiser. SO JUST FUCKING BELIEVE ME.

i feel like running away. run away to a place where i dont have to hide anything.

my sad poem

2006-02-15T00:57:00.000-08:00

i really dont know how long i can stay in line
i wonder if i'll fall behind everything
and just lose myself.

i really dont know how,
how will i survive this trial.
but i know if i try,
i have this one chance.

this one chance,
of succeeding.

will anyone lift me up now
let me know this is just a phase
and it'll be over soon enough.

will anyone lift me up now
show me how pretty this world is
and tell me there's more to it.

will anyone lift me up now
and just tell me

'listen to the breeze calling your name.'

how it feels like to not know what you alrdy should know -- UPSET and pissed.

2006-02-15T00:26:00.000-08:00

this day in school ended well. walked out of school with suwen, kuat, qin, sam and kel. wyn stayed for drama. pei and tee went for bowling. sim waited for his track and field. ended up walking to bus12 busstop with kuat. well, it went pretty nice talking about those particular presents.. =)) i suppose kuat ran to catch his 196 because when i turn back, his bus was there and there was no sight of him. ahha. and two 14s came, one 608 and one 196 left the busstop before bus12 came.

why did i suddenly went all silent and foul mood.

i couldnt do the two simple questions on vectors, a topic which a certain teacher said it is the easiest topic of all in e maths. yes, like wtf. it was absolutely like wtf. i felt really dumb and sad for myself. dumb for not being able to get the simple chapter into my head and answer the questions. sad for struggling with the subject. somehow im beginning to think my dad is right. i AM in deep shite because i cant shrug off my cant-be-bothered thinking, my laziness, my fondness of enjoying myself. yeah, one thing for sure is that it's my mindset that has got to change. but how? i tried for the past months, nothing seemed to work. pushed myself to slog things out.. what i did i get from it, a sore A2 for the paper. studied through the night for the chem paper until i felt like i was prepared for it. ask me if i aced it, i'll tell you in the pathetic tone that NO, I SCREWED IT UP. i screwed up in convincing myself i can ace the paper if i worked for it. sorry, it just didnt work for me. i rather not do anything and get a fucking passing mark than getting those marks when i really felt like i tried my best. THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT MY BEST. but why did i feel like i did my best? why. really, why? then i looked at people around me. qinyi and derek are scoring. suwen and wyntrice are like soaring already. me? still on the ground. it's like, nothing is working for me. do i sound like i want to give up now? yes, i do. do i sound like i want to cry now? yes, i do. do i sound like im disappointed in myself now? yes, i seriously am.

and the ground im stepping on is fast becoming a quicksand.

things you wouldnt want to hear, heard.

2006-02-14T00:58:00.000-08:00

things that get people really really really irritated is others constant reminder of you liking someone you really dont like. and hey, that is what is happening to that girl right now. so hey people, just back off a little, give her a little personal space and the benefit of doubt.

things that made my day were;-
`1. one litre of tears! [halfway through]
`2. sam, geraldine, grace and shujia's chocs+sweets. [left untouched ^.^]
`3. qin's present. [left untouched ^.^]
`4. choonkuat's pebble!! [now it's carried around in my wallet!]
`5. wyntrice's muffin and choc!! [in my stomach. ^.^]
`6. suwen's 'lunchbox' full of sweeeets and chocs now.
`7. peiyee and her... =) we'll know what is it tmr.
`8. LION'S 'AI QING NENG CHAO YUE YI QIE!'
`9. lame joke like 'why some students are the teacher's pet?' =D
`10. the song 'yi shi jue wang' from xiaohaibuben2. [WEI SHE ME PING GUO HUI BIAN LAN!]
`11. walking out with those few group of people in the class..
`12. seeing guanyuan, priscilla, deborah and sheery at the corridor. i miss them so.
`13. suwen say jaytee cut his hair when it isnt. it's because he changed his hairstyle from 'tall spiking' to 'messy style'.
`14. today is really slacky. lols. who is calling the teachers to cut them some slack now? =))

well. im so happy i received edible stuffs for valentine's. some of which are eaten during recess [those muffins ^.^]. surprisingly, it covered my hunger and even made me feel full. HEY! wyntrice, it was great! ^.^ suwen didnt let us open the M&M saying it's *ahems* and her just because it's red[peanut butter] and blue [crispy]. she wrote the names on the wrapper. in the end, she opened both.

WO JI DE NI, JIAO AO DE HUO XIA QU. =)

p.s valentine day dont have to be celebrated with guys. it's just another simple day made complicated by com*******s. i bet ksw can figure it out.
p.s wednesday -- chem minor test, thursday -- physics magnetism, friday -- a math differentiation test and english narrative essay test. EVERYBODY, let's jiayou. =)
p.s a story about KARMA, the fog. something will come back to you. sooner or later, everything does.

THIS V-DAY IS DEFINITELY A ABSOLUTE CONTRAST TO THE PAST YEARS.
to all of my friends out there, you made my day just by being around me. =))

love ya all!

o level chinese result out A2 only.. =((

2006-02-10T00:35:00.000-08:00

wynn, thanks for the hug!! suwen, thanks for sharing your earpiece to listen to the 'huoyuanchia
and 'feng' song!!

we were sort of lining up to get our results. some cried, some screamed out in joy. comforting or not, i dont know. when i got mine, i just rolled the result slip not bothering to see if it's a one/two. then i calm myself down and look at the slip clearly. it was a obvious two. *blink blink* yeah, it's a TWO. a big fat two. anyway, im not making a fuss. but im still sadd.

well, i was planning to ring up practically everyone to annouce my result. but sadly, it wasnt good enough for show. so that was the end of it. the end of anxiousness and gleefulness. the end of fooling around [i suppose. cos this could last for just one day and im back in the game.]

apparently, someone imagined the scenerio in the grand auditorium as 2007, 10 FEB. so, he decided not to kick soccer because he was scared stiff. =)) that is one HUGE MOTIVATION.

'ah ha'
'be glad i didnt cry then'
'lol'
'if it's you'
'i'll go back to class'
'empty my locker'
'chiong cab home'
'and start studying straight away'

and when asked why...

'cos when a friend of yours like tt'
'you not scared meh'

i felt much better knowing i have a friend like this. a friend who gets motivation from me, IF I CRY. in this case, actually i should!! ^.^ if you get what i mean... and then, this thought strikes me. some of our friends cried too, why isnt he THAT motivated??

'close friend la'

AAAAHH!! you just rescued my ass from a bottomless pit. i so love you. you know what, im feeling tons tons TTTOOONNNNSSS better.

p.s you know why that saved me? ask me. =)
p.s we should all start worrying a little more, play less, kick the teachers' ass harder, tear the papers up like it's nothing to us!!!

im sick, but my friends dont give a fuck shite.

2006-02-07T01:32:00.000-08:00

uhm. no reply from ms lim, so things like 'are they[ms lim and ms koh] angry with me?' comes to my mind. imagine yourself being sick and your friends asks you to go out. there's two possible egoistic thoughts 'my friends like my company.' or 'my friends dont bother about getting sick themselves hanging out with me.' and one sad thought. 'my friends dont care if im sick or not.'
[all of which are N.A]

haha, is this mighty pathetic being sick or what having to wonder about things like 'if there's homework will anyone of my friends be bothered to tell me?' ??

i dont know if it's to early to comment that 'nobody is going to tell me.'

because the self-claimed tiancai told me all the test announcements today. and nobody else did. nobody else did. nobody else did, nobody else did. haha. what's more is si mian chu ge started playing once i click 'random' on wmp. man, that message is way too bloody extreme. as aaron said it before, 'never do things to the extreme, leave a way for people to 'walk'.' and mable yee's 'give them the benefit of doubt.'

then this comforting thought came to me. 'maybe they'll tell me tomorrow, in school.'

then the freaking mean brain of mine scolded me. 'YOU MUST ASK THEM YOU A******!!', and a silent voice crept up 'if not, you will not know anything..' i was unable to distinguish the tone, sense and feeling. but the intention there was to send me into pits of miserable and unspoken horror.

this is really saddening.
and shuddering.

p.s how wonderful to fall sick and express how a sick mind would think in depression. =))
p.s.s will someone please message me and tell me i'll be alright by tomorrow because i feel like im dead. you know, 24h sleeping, it's like lying in a open-lid coffin la!! lols!

slacker period -- ENGLISH

2006-02-05T20:45:00.000-08:00

im so sorry you and i are facing different directions.
im so sorry you and i dont understand each other that much.
im so sorry you and i view things so differently.
im so sorry you and i are so damn fucking far away.
im so sorry i just dont love you no more.
now it's too late to turn around.

p.s. this are the thoughts that came to mind listening to i dont love you no more by craig david.

p.s. i still felt * when i saw ** happening. i knew it is that way. but if you like that someone, why cant you just be truthful and tell your friends? it's like wtf. you get what im saying? it's not the kind 'you must tell your friends everything' la, of course friends keep secrets to themselves too. but just not when everything is like sssoo obvious and. yadaa. wtf am im trying to tell you guys.

apparently, i am sick. down with running nose and sore throat. i could have skipped school today but i didnt because my voice came back. and it wasnt like i'd do anything meaningful at home. so yeah. just get my ass to school. and here i am blogging during english lesson. this is how slacky we are. =)

did i mention? i want to call home and complain. complain everything im really thinking. complain about how i feel. complain like nobody's business. complaint is the word. inccessive complaining is better. im a incorrigible daughter? yes.

that reminds me. when i tried talking to this adult, he told me 'i told you you are a dead duck once you get into the wrong class.' yes, wrong class, you saw it. hey. that's the fucking pissing off thing to tell me when im already in it. and what's wrong with this class. I LOVE IT.

i was so pissed, i banged my fist on the wall and my knuckles went red. so much for wushu.
so much for TRYING to talk.

guy confession? omg. im teaching.

2006-02-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

i just taught a guy how to confess. -.- OMG!!

tell her you are having a hard time considering how you want to tell her
talk to her first
then lead her to the truth
that you like her

how? i dont know if im helping him or getting him into something really big. i hope it goes on fine. if not, i'll have to console the poor guy. hopefully it goes well for him. =))

'that time when u left i was sho0x sad'
'AHA. i knew you'd miss me'
'yeah lorx. a part of me gone'

then he went on..

'all thanks to u..'
'i rembr that time i for the first few weeks when u left i felt so sad and wierd'
'i rembr u have a purple pencil case'
'btw, u look much nicer in long hair'

are you thinking what about short hair? =//

'short hair u lo0k....'
'erm..'

oh no.. what is he doing to say???

'cute'

haha.. i thought he was going to say 'idiot' la..

'the last nite i saw u i felt so sad...'
'i think i nv see u for one whole year'
'or prob more'

that touched my heart.. really. i mean it. i asked him why sad..

'of cos sad la.. miss ur company'
'but now i already 4gotten ur company liao'
'hahAx.''

bloody hell that joker.. =))
he went on complaining about the girls in the tuition now.. sound so bitchy. laughing out and all. figured out they were trying to get his attention. i told him..

'=) so nxt time they talk abt you, point at you, look at them in the eye and smile'
'the chioest one larh'
'then smile and say loudly, sorry can you all laugh softer'
'then say politely 'thank you' '

he say it sounds gay. i told him..

'no, that's sarcarsm in the nice way'

then he told me about the girl.
her birthday's next tuesday.
he's going to confess then.

good luck pal.

so typical.

2006-02-03T06:48:00.000-08:00

list of things.
> she and her .. [dunno whad face to put.]
> got better during p.e.
> THIS IS A SLACKER DAY.
> the word started to come naturally. so naturally it scares me.
> oh, so fake. [ksw quick laugh.]
> choonkuat asked about choir.. [hmm.]
> choonkuat waited for us today!
> suwen and me went for dental appointment.
> chessia and i SPOKED.
> wyntrice calmed me down in the dental bus. [oh my, operation table. LOLS.]
> we are soooo talking to each other im so happy.
> did magic to reddy's home keys. =) ['you are not gng choir today and you are taking my keys.']
> drank A LOT OF WATER.
> jaytee thought we psed him. like since when we ever psed you.. guess what was the guy's answer. ' you did. in my past life, you, suwen and chessia psed me for five years. rmb? we were playing mahjong when you three died of heart attack cos i won.' i told him the story the other way round. 'in your past life. YOU psed us. you died of shock cos three of us won the game tgt. we werent playing mahjong. we played BINGO! remember?' 'now i forgot.' LOLS. two lamers talking.

therefore, today is a good day. =)

the ONE hug worked a lot for me today. =D

p.s a hug a day keeps trouble at bay.

OMG! it felt so damn right. [i mean it.]

2006-02-01T01:54:00.000-08:00

we were so darn lost at first because all the timeslots for i not stupid too were at about 3+. which we didnt appreciate at all. wind up getting stuck in my house watching 40yr old virgin instead of the horror flick that ksw wanted to watch just because i said it was boring.. -.-

i hope wyn tee ksw enjoyed it. i think wyn did.. well i think she did. ANYWAY, i enjoyed myself larh. =) anyway.. i felt bad about changing jaytee's mind from going home and sleep to going out and watch movie. =/

anyway, it felt really right today. all those jokes, laughter and small talk and share sessions. absolutely great. i guess the 'holiday' did a lot lightening the load i felt previously. =) though some remained in one irritating corner of my heart. you are so fake. you make me feel like im faking it myself too. why does fakeness come so naturally when you are around?

p.s we should notice pretty little details in life, swipe out any ugly/disgusting/irritating/fucked-up fragments thrown in our direction. including superficials and extreme flirting. [yeah. *HINT HINT*]

p.p.s. the redox reaction? it's basically about taking in and giving out. JUST LIKE LIFE. always giving and taking. =) dont you just love the pain in studying these things? savour the book now!! there's a test tomorrow you dig? let's start kicking asses!!

so nice of you =) seriously,

2006-01-31T00:28:00.000-08:00

let me make a huge statement.

Today is not just another day

'you sound so fake you know that?'

'i do? why?'

'tell me what's bothering you?'

shocked was the word. like why in the world is he the one who noticed it and not her. like what he said, maybe she did but she just wasnt bothered. thanks a lot for noticing. you did a lot for today, just by asking me that question. for that, i am grateful and i totally appreciate that gesture. also, did i mention the part we joked?

'sorry. my comp's cranky.'

'is old dad cranky too?'

'nopes, im good.'

this was a awesome conversation even though it had been short. it had been short and sweet. i really REALLY appreciate it. thank you once again.

p.s. maybe sometimes we should handle heart affairs with our brains. logically like math. as quoted; 1+1 is always 2. =)

thanks for always being there without letting me know.

i appreciate it a lot.

sometimes

2006-01-16T06:10:00.000-08:00

kiss is sucha sad mv. =(
monster in law is hilarious [in a way].
you gave me your number. =)
he shared his woes with me =/
she didnt know how i felt =[
but i dont care =D

alright. im mean. =)

today i just was sadd and all sobby. but i was too busy laughing and smiling to kick up big fuss over small things like.. . wellyeah. i heard how wyn, pei and suwen really felt.. not really, but just more open. the feeling was so warm, so bright, so comforting. i was comforted to know there was a connection there for me. or say, outlet. thanks peeps.

choonkuat helped in chemistry. thanks bro.

lion and i had a huge huge time in the lab. we were blur and we had no idea what was going on. but we manage to finish the experiment. =) thanks qin, sam, racheline for helping us clean up.. =P you guys are great.

darn.
my class is almost perfect.
and it took me one year to realise this.
am i too late?
please let me know..

CHRISTMAS

2005-12-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS!! I wanna see the lights.. -.-'' [yeah, i know]
he asked me if i want to see it with him.. >.< right. i cant go out at night, my parents find that unsafe.

BUT IT'S CHRISTMAS!!
MUSTstayHAPPY.

and to all, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

ART

2005-12-24T02:28:00.000-08:00

Tell me about this. =) my art work is just like.. this?

cello drawing..

there. christmas cards are flying everywhere.. =/

shan hu hai

2005-12-19T04:51:00.000-08:00

once a girl walked into a bookstore looking for a sec4 chinese textbook with her best friend.

the girl wore a army green jacket over her white shirt while her best friend wore white long sleeves with a hood at the back.

side by side they 'raided' the bookstore hunting down the hideous yellow looking textbook. then the green girl's eyes caught the section it may be found. a section saying 'secondary textbooks'.

green girl signalled white-hooded friend to head there. reached the section but it's all surrounded by book shelves. then white-hooded friend spots the blue shirt guy in the midde of the book shelves.

'alright. we are suppose to approach this guy.'

then white-hooded friend asked the guy if they held stocks for sec4 chinese textbook. guy doesnt listen and continues with his work. green girl raises her voice in a business manner and says

'excuse me. can you help us? we are finding chinese textbook for sec4?'

guy raises his head and say

'oh. yes, may i help you?'

both of the girls thought 'are we that invisible?'

then green girl repeats her request and the guy went to the shelves in search of the book. white-hooded ask about the price. guy says

'im not sure. but i can check for you.'

white-hooded girl and green girl expected the guy to check. but he brought the book over and asked the green girl if they wanted him to check. -.-

green girl says 'yes please. and thank you.'

guy walks over, looks and went 'uhm..' green girl hands guy the book and he said 'thanks.' sounding relieved. then he went to the cashier. few minutes later, he returned saying 'oh. the book costs.. ' the girls thanked him and poof! off to the cashier. and tadaa. with yellow books in their hands, they stroll out of the bookstore.

just before green girl steps out of sight, she turn back and caught the eyes of that blue shirt guy following her. when he realised she was looking, he smiled. then he vanish out of the girl's sight.

how sweet?!! [bkgrd goes : 'awwww..']

another time, this girl followed her mum to giant. this time she wore a purple short skirt with her christmas white shirt. she went to the vegetables corner.

her mum told her, 'take those potatoes please' there were different varieties, she had no idea which potatoes to pick. 'which??' she asked.

the sales guy in green giant shirt looked at her. 'that one that one.' says her mum. she took the potatoes and chuck it in the basket and walks to her mum. second time she saw the green giant shirt guy was went her mum hesitated about buying eggs home.

then her mum suddenly tells her 'hey, that boyboy has been looking at you since earlier on.' the girl didnt take notice until her mum told her. for the first time, she turns and look at him straight in the eye. he held a stunned expression on his face.

she then smiled, nodded at him and eventually, walked away.

[crowd goes: awww...]

admit it. life's like this. this good. though it's never good enough.

but it's still good.

took my breath away

2005-12-11T20:32:00.000-08:00

best day of my life

Woke up around a half past ten
Can't believe that I'm late again
Put down about a quart of caffine
To start my pulse and then
I grabbed my jeans off the floor and I hit the door,
Just the same old same

It goes to show
You never know
When everything's about to change

Just another day
Started out like any other
Just another girl who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I ....
Had the best day of my life

Can't say exactly what it was
She's not the usual type
She wore a cowboy hat
With her red Prada boots
And a Gwen Stefani smile

Then she pulled out a pen and surprised me when
She wrote her number on my hand
Then she was gone,
But from now on
I'm gonna be a different man

Just another day
Started out like any other
Just another girl who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I ...
Had the best day of my life

I guess it goes to show
You never really know
When everything's about to change

Just another day
Started out like any other
Just another girl who took my breath away
Then she turned around
She took me down
Just another day that I ...
Had the best day of my life [x2]

that's a story. =)

suwen's back

2005-12-08T02:48:00.000-08:00

"can i complain something? im bored!! alright, im done. thanks for listening."
this is a funny message alright. a lame one at that.

YESTERDAY's outing. awesome.
> jiaxin was late!! but that's alright. she slept at 5am lei! crazy girl.
> LJS. nice nice!
> walked walked. [i realised i hate stairs A LOT. because on several occasions i tripped and nearly sprain my ankle...]
> took mrt train to bugis.
> neoprints. =/ messy messy. we saw two primary school kids [girls] taking individal neoprints repeatedly at the same machine! OMG. rich. we decided they probably were some primary6 students who planned and saved for this neoprint-taking since january. =) lols. weird analysis. and guess what, my blur mum called the neoprint machine a neopet. ROFL.
> then we went to kinokuniya because i wanted to get my comicbooks. there jiaxin went to the photography books area while sockz help me look for my books. and ta-da. we left with books in hands.
> jiaxin word of the day was 'jia huo' which i repeatedly called her. =P
> some things just dont change. jiaxin continue to collect 'word-of-the-day', sockz love harry potter and starwars.
> some things change drastically. jiaxin and i used to love going to arcade while sockz hate arcades. now, it's reversed. not that jiaxin and i hate arcades, just that we find the place no longer that appealing and more towards the messy side. poor sockz didnt get to go the arcade. sorry! note to sockz; it'll always be there, so the next outing, let's go there! =) and no heels, i promise.
> i wonder if jiaxin and i really are girls or are we guys stuck in feminine bodies? we oogled at the glamorous but seemingly lonesome female walking into the PreciousThots shop. and we were like 'oooh, so prettay!' and we started asking each other question like 'eh, guess her status.', 'dont you think she's of the socialite type?'. while we did that, sockz was like 'eh what are you two looking at?' LOLS. ever so blur! =)
> when we were at the mrt station waiting. jiaxin and sockz sat down. I HAD TO STAND because i wore skirt. darn. -.- that's why i hate skirts. and danny, please stop telling me skirts make me more feminine?.!. =)
> we chose the last carriage. and WOW. so many couples were hugging each other in there.. wah.. never sit in last carriage.

back home. =)
here i am. at home.

QUIZZES

2005-12-08T01:26:00.000-08:00

You Are 16 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.
20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.
30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!
40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

LOLS. you bet. i act my age alright. =) though a lil older by a few months from now.. BUT HEY. that girl who says im a three-year-old kid. READ THIS! =)

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

hey. is this true?? tell me!

You Are 50% Weird

Normal enough to know that you're weird...But too damn weird to do anything about it!

How Weird Are You?

i knew it.. -.-

You're An Angry Drunk

Ever wake up with sore knuckles and a black eye? Thought so.

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

=) those few.. you know this.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.
In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.
You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.
You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.
Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.
Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.
You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.
In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

think this is kinda true?

Your Heart Is Green

Love completes you, but that doesn't mean you seek it out.When love comes your way, you integrate it peacefully into the rest of you life.
Your flirting style: Laid back
Your lucky first date: Walking around aimlessly and talking
Your dream lover: Is both enthusiastic and calm
What you bring to relationships: Balance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

=/ hey.

You Are 90% "Average American"

You are average because you drink on occasion.
You are not average since you've known your best friend for less than ten years.

How "Average American" Are You?

THANK YOU! =)

You Are a Martini

There's no other way to say it: you're a total lush.You hold your liquor well, and you hold a lot of it!

What Mixed Drink Are You?

=) try me.

HEI SE YOU MO

2005-12-01T22:58:00.000-08:00

yeh yeh. changed the song from san nian er ban [three year two class] to hei se you mo [black humour]. sorry if the song sounds too draggy. when he goes up so many pitches, i think it sounds pretty nice. and.. haha. his fake voice quite nice too. and i find the song funny larh. the part where he say 'please i think your brain has a problem.' [bai tuo wo xiang ni de nao dai you wen ti]

alrighteys. all those going overseas, wherever. have fun! and remember to take care of your health and safety. yeah yeah, old nags. =) if possible, bring something back to singapore for me. =) lols. it's a must to some people larh.. ^.^ heex. you know who im talking about.

oh wells. i just started on the 1100words. lols. eh, quite fun. =) voracious, indiscriminate, eminent.. wah sei. my english is soo pa-tthhee-que!! *frowns frowns* hopefully, i'll improve more being around more english oriented peeps. =)

YAY. later im going to the nearby market to return my vcds. hopefully i can get another few vcds before i bore out at home mapling, blogging, doing homework, watching television programmes, chatting, EATING and sleeping. =) oh, notice i didnt mention playing the piano? well. im thinking of dropping music. blehs. tell me what should i do.. *frowns frowns*

happy shopping!

2005-11-30T04:26:00.000-08:00

woohoo! happy happy. high high! joyous joyous.

> quite health-conscious
> dislikes dangling earrings.
> when using escalator will take two steps.
> [here's the obvious hint.] uses this arrow; '>' !

yeps. HER! the english rapper! aites. enough of my lame-ness. it's qinyi larh. i went out with her this afternoon. actually i felt awkward about asking her out suddenly. i mean, i didnt tell her in advance just suddenly pop the question 'eh want to come out marh?'. who will go? i was hesitating a lot larh. hesitated till 1+ then stop. and thought. 'what the hell. just ask larh.' I DID. and there we go. an outing!

it was more than just fine. it was awesome. thank you, mini font. =) im not 'spanking horse arse'. thank you thank you. im just being straight frank truthful now. (not that i have been lying larh)

i had thought it would be awkward and tense. BUT. it was really comfy and enjoyable. woohoo. i think i bored her out though. >.< sorry arh qin.

oh yeh. qin got a pair of square earrings, her breakfast tomorrow, sushi. while i bought fiesta [or whadever name it is] cheesecake original, breadtalk for supper. =) we walked A LOT. hmm. a little suntec. a little of the linkey place. raffleslink [issit?] and then PS. yeh. walked A LOT. saw quite a few cute guys too. but bleh. it's the walking that's really interesting. =)

the things we looked at. LOLS. peng arh.
have medals as present before? if i really meant what's on the medals, i'll consider giving them to you as a present. =) lols. whad 'old and wiser', 'porn star'.. blah blah.
HMV. well. i told her 'look. this poor guy got his face pasted by the price tag.' then. she noticed the latest jay album; november chopin. yeah. what's so funny about it? qin went, 'eh look! zhou jie lun looking at the price tag!!' then she started laughing. LOLS. hilarious!
MATCHSTICK. the matchstick question. my favourite. =) 'how did the matchstick die?' 'he scratched his head.' HAHA. gao xiao. very lame right? HAHA. dunno why just now i burst out laughing like it was a new joke. then qin told me the 'pregnant mum and the son's question' story. hehs.
WHITE MAN. no, im not being racist here! i really thought that old man was santa claus. he had huge huge belly, wore white shirt, had a red cap on his head. from far he looked like santa. alright, there are two huge infomation missing right? the big big bag and the beard.

and more...

lols. mood affected now. gonna stop writing.

happy happy

2005-11-27T04:23:00.000-08:00

okae. stocked up my two freezers with ice creams. orginally, both freezers were packed with frozen meat. now? the ice creams came to join the grand-cold-party!! yeppies.

alright.. i know i know. this. is. crap.

yepps. soo, the whole day i've been doing nothing but cramping my butt out just by sitting right in front of this computer typing and typing, looking and looking through sites for bags. yes. you got it so right. im bag-shopping now. crumpler, roxy, billabong, converse? i seriously have no idea. maybe my old deuter bag will do. =)

EL STUPIDO

2005-11-26T05:28:00.000-08:00

el stupido. LOLS. jonathan teo just broke the record of slow reaction with SIX minutes! Suwen's last record had been THREE minutes. so. we have a winner here! TEE!!! lols.

some kinda weird competition to be held =)

LOLS

2005-11-24T02:22:00.000-08:00

five months day song so cute! LIAN-AI-ing! HAHA! so high so high. oei, SWQ quick say im a very considerate person. i know you dont like maiyatang, so i didnt put it in the blog to IRRITATE YOU. muahaha! so next time if i change to maiyatang, you know why. =) jokes jokes.

one. im proud of myself for having the courage to clear the mess in my room!
twoo. <> is getting out of my hands soon!
tweee. IM SO 'HIGH' NOBODY CAN BRING ME DOWN TO EARTH!

bwahaha. isnt that great news? =) *um chio um chio.

YES

2005-11-23T02:32:00.000-08:00

qinyi. i like to declare to you my 'war' ends in approximately one week's time. =)) happy for me? haha. i know you are. even if you arent, you have to act like you are. =) ooooh ya. happy camping! i'll miss you for those days.

BLUE HAIR! =)

2005-11-22T08:49:00.000-08:00

`` yesterday night. ]]

this is a story about this mister *simy and miss *wonkky. he had an illusion [as usual]. an illusion that he is jaychou-lookalike. while he had that illusion, she had the cute fetish. apparently, the picture of her niece was her feast on cuteness. [whad weird..] when she started changing her display picture, he changed his to emma watson. pictures after pictures, he showed his adoration of ew. or say, the idol-ly side of him. filling jokes in between seemed pretty much appropriate. HAHA! then, there goes his illusion. =) 'what a bad liar, but that's good.' 'haax. im not lying, it really is me.'

did my physics tys. STUPID GAY! it's alright, it's for my own good, i should do it because it is good for me. HOW LONG AM I GOING TO FUSE THIS INTO MY BRAIN? -.-

then that happen. was it my fault? yeah. HAHA. well, that made me think hard. REALLY hard. about her. maybe.. haha. it's all me fault right? so.. that'll equate to, 'if she goes, then all this shit wont exist.' right? yeah. fine. all you needed to do was to just SAY IT. you had the courage to 'fight' it out with me but you dont have the courage to tell me 'just get out of my life'. isnt this weird? yeah. i'll just figure that out. oh, get it? i figured it ALL out yesterday.

human beings' words, actions, or both are contradicting. =)

whabapuff. =)

2005-11-21T01:16:00.000-08:00

ohh. kick those bitches aside. life's so wonderful. look at the colours. those bright bright colours. orange, i see ORANGE. LOLS. killed too many orange heads today. all i see is orange and white now. >.< *squints eyes* ahh. now it's gone. =)

that was sucha hilarious conversation which apparently didnt matter so long as everyone has their set of fun. =) alright. 'hilarious' looks sarcastic now, doesnt it? -.- wasnt ~~meant to be.~~

qin set my path right. providing me with the list of questions im to do from physics tys and saying 'yo!' to me online. well, it sort of set my path right. at least im happy now! not to mention, very much delighted. girl, im not sadistic. if i really am, when you fall, i'll laugh instead of asking if you are alright. =/

wow.

whad a freaking joke

2005-11-20T06:43:00.000-08:00

maple shrooms look cute. this long break will do good. for adjustments. for changes. for attitudes. for people. for everybody. for you me.

why do you ask when the answer in your mind is already set as no? WHY? because you have fun messing up with people's head. just why. i dont know why i give a damn. i seriously dont. maybe it's just my kind of style. to be bothered. but sorry. there are like SOO MANY DISTANCES to take, away from friends. you are enjoying it arent you. HUH, arent you? you dont understand me. AT ALL. you dont understand what's going on in my life now. NOT ONE BIT. all those things you messaged me. are you talking about yourself? you made me laugh. thanks a lot.

i love you. even if you hate me.

you'll be alright, you'll be okaaaay

2005-11-19T19:40:00.000-08:00

hey girl. finally done with this thing le, don't know whether you'll like it la. but very difficult to make ok! don't like also must pretend to like! ha ha, you don't always so sadistic la. be more positive okay? forgivers are always around de. those people who are not nice to you just put them aside la, but still must be nice to them! cos we're good people, haaa. hao ba, jiu ci ting bi, take care girl - love, qinyiiiiii

whole day.

2005-11-16T23:49:00.000-08:00

i've got the whole day to myself. yes. no. =)

Went back to school, took the retest which was to make sure we know our stuffs right before we get on to sec4.[here's the reason you want! PINK IS NICE ALRIGHT?]

Then went to Pasir Ris to eat.. HAHA! =) [um chio um chio]
INITIAL D ROCKS! Um, i like the racing part?
FULL HOUSE ROCKS! Um, i like the quarrelling part. =/ I like HAN ZHI EN, LI YING ZAI! They are so so so cute.. =/ tee, sorry i forgot to bring it today.
SHUTTER ROCKS! I love the toilet scene.. that gay. HAHA. =) Tee, watch your neck on saturday. HAHA! uh, i forgot about breezer.. =( i hope you two didnt drink mine up. LEAVE IT ALONE! haax. Im talking to the air.
JUST LIKE HEAVEN! I wanted to watch, then something turned me off. =/ how sad. i hope i catch the 'must watch' virus, and watch it somehow. when that happens, i hope i still have someone to catch it with me. =)
HARRYPOTTER! My sis is watching it with me! ^.^ YES. Finally. It's been long since I last watch a movie with her instead of my friends. =) Hmm, what about my brother? Will we watch the movie twice with him? =) Im sure i wont mind. HAHA. ^.^

days before i told him the 'deep down' truth. today, it was lyk, it didnt even happen. Should i cheer or jeer? There probably isnt a tinge of consideration of my words. Goodness. SWQ is right, 'what you think you are doing may not be what others think you are doing.' Thank you. Dont talk to me about it anymore. Let's just forget about it. Forget about it. forget about it. FORGET ALL ABOUT IT. goddamnit. just leave it.

These few days, my mind has been in a whirl. confused and unsettled. What do i want in life? What do i want out of this studying years? To study and come out nothing? NO WAY.

OH. Yesterday, i remembered those peeps going for OBS today. They are leaving their house of comfort. =/ so, TAKE CARE! I'll miss you all. =) I felt down, so i took a nap. Woke up from the nap to receive a great message that made my face light up. Thanks punk. =)

it said something like ' plus that three treats? '

LOLS. i couldnt believe it. that person actually remembered. =) Im not doubting him, but recently he showed signs of Short-term-memory [STM]. So i was a little surprised. And for this one message, it made me realise little things do matter! =)

i love you

2005-11-14T04:32:00.000-08:00

I have a CONFESSION.

somehow. you make me ponder what's all these about.
being happy just by receiving your one unknown message.
being ____ just because you ask me if you should go steady.
being ____ because i dont want to share you.
being ____ because you are hot and cold at times.
being this way because you are here not there.

here's the revealing part. AM I LESBIAN?
lols. just a joke larh.. why you all so serious? =)

weird weird weird >.<

2005-11-09T04:37:00.000-08:00

Boredom makes people go 'CRAZY'! Yes. crazy.

What do you do when you see/saw things that werent for your eyes? First rule, FREAK YOURSELF OUT. then, analyse the spooky parts, and consider two things. was it just you scaring yourself, or did the thing REALLY scare you. If it really did scare you, i suggest you leave the thing alone, and if given a choice, dont go back to it.

That's what i think. But, the horror and surprise of the plots just keeps me going back. Yes. I am frighten, but still going strong. You can say im asking for it.

Maybe i really am. just maybe.

When all things fall apart.
There are always alternatives.
ALWAYS.

INTERESTING

2005-11-08T01:41:00.000-08:00

Thanks SWQ, for telling me all those=) though i.. haha. appreciate it. =)
I thought today would be crappy, but it turned out WONDERFUL! =)
Yesterday i was songyong-ed by qin. But that silly wonderful girl reminded me about AMATH. =)
I thought today would be fouled-mood, but it was OPPOSITE of it! YES!!=)
I thought i would be left out, but it was just my overly-active mind. =)
yes carmen, 'i think' is a killer thought. =)

Today.
I was told the truth by someone anyone, but the person herself/himself/itself. that wasnt so nice.. but YEAH. Thanks for confirming what i thought it was. =) love ya.
I WAS SO NICE TO MY KOR. I took note about his locker which was stuffed with LOADSA things, told him and reminded him that we were to clear our lockers by friday. I helped him carry his stuffs back, okae, just three books. =) But it's good enough from a sister like me. ^.^
I WAS SO NICE TO MYSELF. and others. lols. I kept myself happy throughout! Even if at times i felt like falling asleep, or even felt like frowning. CARMEN lend me Full House. AHAHAHAHA. Tee, happy waiting. =) Alright, i wont be mean.
IM A GOOD STUDENT. I reminded Mr Tan about the heritage tour which happen to fall on his music lesson day -- THURSDAY. YES! Despite the fact that I leave my shirt hanging out and eating in class, im still a good student.
SHE IS A GREAT FRIEND. She shared pizza sticks with me. She was so blur. She understood [finally]. She made hand gestures which i interpreted as 'i heard you, hold on.' SO SWEET. HEs, GREAT FRIENDS. `he saw me sitting alone, he came over dropped his stuffs beside me, then he just sat there. Or probably there wasnt any seat left. =) ` 'yi ge bus hui guo' [a bus will pass.] Then it really happen. A bus14 pass. I CLOSED MY EYES, fearing it would be bus12. he said 'mei shi. shi shi si er yi.' [nth, it's just no.14.] Then, feeling relieved i open my eyes only to see a SINGLE DECK BUS12 pass. =( He chuckled. Then he saw across the road, his bus196. AHA! But he managed to got on it. He ran i guess. ` he finally brought my geog book and left it on my table. OH YEAH. i didnt tell him thanks yet! >.<
TWO BRUSHES, same person. morning, i nearly hit her/him... ... >.< afternoon, i banged into her/him while walking backwards. SORRY! but im sure you wont mind me being clumsy=)
WYNTRICE was catching my attention just to tell me the IMPORTANT byebye. =) goodness, that meant a lot. You are very very very nice.
RACHELINE told me about the AMATH, what might happened. She walked up to class with me this morning, thanks girl. =) You are so sweet and intelligent.

I got to admit, this is the best day ever. It felt like a friday.. =) gosh. All of you made it seem that way. Qin, Lion, Wyntrice, Carmie, Suwen, Racheline, Kuat, Derek, Amos, Tee.. did i leave anyone out? Sorry if i did, i didnt mean it.. =)

simianchuge

2005-11-05T23:37:00.000-08:00

Listening to simianchuge [track5, nov chopin], increasing the speed is so nice. AHH! Love the song and the WHOLE DISC. The idea of memorising the whole song and being able to sing it out takes two weeks seemed exaggerating. =x

interesting shit

2005-11-04T19:42:00.000-08:00

IGNORE THIS.
yes. this is interesting. that is interesting too. everything just seem so.. different today. she, him, them. yeah. haha. this is such a cool way to start a day. void. guess this is another start of *ahem*. but shall just let it proceed, if some kind of 'thing' happen again.. haha. byebye. go ahead with your thoughts. maybe you just dont know me well enough right from the start. always leaving me hanging, letting your mind filled with messy thoughts. always. always. always making things go the opposite way. maybe we are travelling in a parallel directions, never made to meet each other. maybe i was wrong, our paths never crossed. bah. im not making any sense.

i fill the air with my cold laughter.

2005-11-01T22:46:00.000-08:00

things happened. the stupid stuffs, sweet stuffs.

`1. the 'hey' from him sounded so close.
`2. tee was so quiet, he offered me his mentos gum sweet.
`3. she, yeah.
`4. we played in the library and made so much noise, a sec4 girl came over to 'shush' us.
`5. she, yeah.
`6. both of them tried to make me laugh.
`7. dear girl called, good timing=) i needed to hear your voice.
`8. waited in the classroom. tried calling again.
`9. he gave me biscuits and told me 'quick eat la!'
`10. she came back.
`11. waited patiently for suwen.
`12. played with his new phone and refused to return to him.
`13. dear girl came. YES.
`14. sat around, yakked and played.
`15. she, yeah.
`16. he told me 'i gng to meet my cousin ltr lei..'
`17. he asked me what were we gng to do.
`18. all of us walked out of school.
`19. dear girl wanted to go home. =(
`20. i got angry. [*shakes head]
`21. we decided to watch flight plan with tee.
`22. ended up with ALL ABOUT LOVE.
`23. took taxi to suntec tower 4.
`24. CAR EXHIBITION!
`25. chessia and suwen went to buy tickets, tee and me bought FOOD!
`26. we are so crazy. first, we thought we went into the wrong cine. second, suwen forgot to take the coke from the booth. =)
`27. we made tee go down and buy nachos! =)
`28. we went around for the shiyiyuexiaobang disc! found it at marine parade!! YEH!
`29. got home pretty late.. =P
`30. things happened at night again. but it's alright... i guess..

'are you awake?'
'yeah supp'
'ask you some dumbass question.. am i not trustable?'
'... ... i trust you dont i? isnt that enough proof? lol'

thanks, i needed that. really.

'hey sis u okae? u sound depressed.. u sure got no probs u whan share wib kor?'

thanks, i needed that too. really.

nice nice

2005-10-29T07:39:00.000-07:00

YES! Ba du kong jian is in my hands now! AHA!! Anyway, my dad said i can buy the 'shi yi yue de liu bang' after my exam! AHA!! Envious? I bet not b/c everyone's going to get it themselves too! YEH!

' let's go cut hair.'

GOOD DAY

2005-10-26T05:42:00.000-07:00

YESH! A WONDERFUL DAY! Ignoring the fact I didnt pon chinese remedial, the rest was purely wonderful. But then, ponning would be like, no conversation with Qin at all. YES! Qin talked to me. I talked to Qin. Okae, this is pure lameness. But, YES!, we talked.

'eh your msg gng to burst lerh marh?' [sth like that.]
'haha. about to.'
'my hp still at gay.c there, sure wont burst this month. haha.'
'haha!'

Then we sort of discussed about the male representatives going to the 'mini-stage' to provide answers for the cloze passages. Most of them were described at 'du lan' [i think. anw, it's dialect for sure.] Then the last one, Qin told me he's the top of our school, he attends C.O but still have a lot of time to study. WOAH! Fantastic model for a teenager. That's the way it should be i guess. Study but have fun at the same time. Meaning, enjoying while you study. =) YES! I sound enlightened right? Sadly, I dont act like one.

YES!

skye drops.

2005-10-22T04:33:00.000-07:00

Generally, all of us started out as a child with a innocent mind containing innocent ideas. Having innocent ideas like hiding little control panel under the sofa and laughing about it when they find it days after. Having a innocent mind that sees things just as it is and not lying about it being something majestic, for example a crowd sees a painting done by a popular artist, most will compliment it with great words but a child would just say 'it's a painting.' and nothing else.

Then, all of us change as years go by, forming minds with no duplication or whatsoever, just one special mind belonging just to one person -- individuals. This is how conflicts start out between people, this is when simple things start to get complicated, this is when people part without saying goodbye.

Here, is where this all started.
Here, is where i want it to end.

It was nothing. Really. Then your mind started to complicate things. It didnt bother me, your obsession i mean. It really didnt. But it didnt occur to me that your obsession will become the reason why this friendship is this gone. I had thought it was me. I had thought it was me. I REALLY thought it was me. Then, I thought backwards, and i realised. It started from there. From where you knew me. From where I took him as 'dad'. From where I started winning smiles and losing tears. Now, you brought me back to square one. To where I hesitated, afraid to make a move, afraid to take a firm stand. To where I had to think so hard I just wish I could just give up. I thought I could. And I did for one moment. Then this song came on the radio making me think again -- I cannot give up because I hadnt put in my best yet.

'Do you treasure this friendship?'

[sounded like in the church 'do you take this man as your husband?']

'Will you want to work hard to save this friendship?'

'i guess not.. '

'then you are giving up.'

'yeah.. i am..'

'before giving up, will you give her a chance and yourself too, to see a better her and you?'

This is probably the last effort im willing to give.

nice day

2005-10-20T01:44:00.000-07:00

Today is considered quite satisfying. Priscilla and I went to Sing post for our lunch! ^.^

We chat a lot, and amazingly, classrooms have politics going on too! BWAHAHAHA..

Realised that, I, seriously, could have done WAY WAY better than what Im doing now and this all boils down to the fact that I havent been seriously doing my revision and all. Well, this is definitely not the kind of result I want to get in the O's. Oh yesh. Hear another set of promises? No thanks.

There's a music debrief at 2pm tomorrow. Is anyone going to stay till that late? BWAHAHA. guess not.. I just hope Kuat feels alright tomorrow. ANYWAY, Mr Tan said that there were people who got single digit upon 120, and guess what. That probably could be me. But then again, hey, my composing isnt that rubbishey. I could easily get 30 for one part of the composing component. Well, let ME check it out myself tomorrow.

I wonder if I should go to school. It's like, I have an MC in my hands, wouldnt it be a waste to just dump it in the chute? Then again, who'll help me collect my music paper? OH. Xiumin! Yeah, if I dont go, she'll help me take the paper.

'I need 65.5 marks to pass and im relying on my composing component, which is only 75marks. you still think I can make it?'

'can de.. our musical talent runs in our blood marh=)'

Somehow I got a bad feeling about tomorrow.

Not just the music paper,

other miscellaneous stuffs.

Should I go or should I not go?

[ai wo hai shi ta..] LOLS.

someone please tell me.

tell me about it

2005-10-19T03:45:00.000-07:00

Actually there's nothing to blog. Yeps. Except the fact i was feeling totally HI-BYE with people today. Sat there and stared blankly into the air. -.- BAH. Then, my stupid handphone vibrates. Reads message 'whee.. i ltr den go to skool lei.. =>' from YanJun. THANKS ARH. You know I have to wake up early and still tell me that.. alrights. Not everyone goes through my moodswings, and most importantly, NOBODY HAS TO TOLERATE IT. For those who can, goodness. You REALLY know me well enough not to get affected by it!! =) Im proud of you.

To C. Pardon my sarcarsm earlier on, if you felt any, because I was like ' I want to talk' and you were all fussed up with Maple. Wait, 'fussed up' is the wrong word, it should be 'busy'. =) Yes, you were busy with Maple and it seemed to be of absolute importance and missing it for minutes or hours would have cost you your life. SO YEAH. Plus, you said something like 'can you not...[blah blah blah.]' Okae, how? Like what is there to be ungrateful about? Hello? And well, whoever it is, I think the person knows best.. and like, think about it. Consider how you want people to treat you, and think further, is that the way you treat others? Well, that's why i arrive at the conclusion of 'the last' and 'the first'. Seriously, i dont do it to the person/people or whoever it seemed to refer to. Point blank. Or maybe, im not thinking deep enough. Maybe you like to tell me. =)

HAPPY MOO_MENTS

2005-10-18T00:47:00.000-07:00

Little stuffs can make you happy.

`1. Winning Kuat in Chinese and e math paper2.
He said it is 'yi dai chi ru', somewhat like an insult of his life to get 'beaten' like this.

`2. Bryan said our past and present principals walk alike and did a demo on it. =)

`3. Tied Kuat's shoelaces together, and he counted like '1,2,3 [in chinese]' and 'flashed' his legs. >.<

`4. Getting chased by 'kor' to get back on the floor to attend the talk for o'levels paper.

`5. Walking the usual route out to take bus.

`6. Strong legs can stand.

`7. Little talks. =)

`8. Kor was acting 'gaily' while we waited for the rain to stop.

and many more..
Note to self : i should just notice the happy stuffs.

Nothing came to her

2005-10-17T01:24:00.000-07:00

She stared at her phone waiting for a call to come, or maybe a message. She looked at it, wondering where have all the sound gone to? It used to be ssooo noisy. ssooo alert. Today, it seem to be dead. Her thoughts drifted off. Then the phone rang.

'Hello'
'What are you doing?'
'Nothing much.. why?'
'Just wondering...'

She thought,
maybe today wasnt so bad afterall.
maybe i wasnt forgotten,
just put aside by some.

at least he remembered.

Who's the next on the phone list?
I have to make a guess --
no one but him.

When are you going to call/msg me?

weather telecast

2005-09-30T13:40:00.000-07:00

here, i present you, a human weather report.

In the morning, exactly at 0600, the sky is still bright and glowing. no sign of clouds darkening.
At 0700, the clouds turned pinkishly orangey bluishey white. if you still dont get it. i meant there were four colours of clouds. happy cheerful colours.
At 0730, the sky darkens a little but not noticeable because it was ignored. then the sky turned sky blue because of laughter soundwaves in the air.
At 0745 to 1255, the sky was still sky blue and there were breeze nearing to 1255. There was a huge wind blowing at 1255.
THEN, the sky darkens at 1335. you can hear a little wee-bit of thunder and mostly you see lightning [if your eyes can catch one].
In the end, the sky turns black like it already is at night and it pours. Huge rain. Like an open tap. It didnt stop. There wasnt slightest bit of light. Not even a RAY. what more is left to say about a BEAM.

thinking for awhile. the telecaster thought of the informer and leaves him a message.
the reply from the informer was.

'You are not alone'

there is light somewhere you cannot see
if only you can reach for it
you will feel the warmth coming from it
and feel safe.

i seriously never felt better today.
*you made it better.

HYPOCRITES

2005-09-29T18:06:00.000-07:00

yesh yesh. probably today is a good day afterall. i finish copying social studies sec4 chapt5 on good governance. WONDERFUL HANDS!!

list of wonderful things that happened.
`1. no physics tutorial
`2. lunch in KFC at marine parade was hilarious.
`3. studied in MPL with two buddies.
`4. HE, dumbass, didnt pull my shoelaces.
`5. HE, dumbass, believed i got 30 for e math! how 'gullible'.
`6. I heard canon in D in the morning.
`7. talked to Elaine Tan.
`8. YITING is so understanding.
`9. he's still here.
`10. kuat's bag is always there for me to dump my things in it!!

list of not-so-wonderful things that happened.
`1. i was being pulled by my sleeves like i was a criminal.
`2. my problem was none of YOUR BUSINESS.
`3. you nearly made me cry. but i wont cry because you arent bothered with my tears.
`4. I WAS FAKE.
`5. carelessness in my e math paper cost me my A!!! =(

i guess my day was happier than i thought it was afterall.

Boohoo

2005-09-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

silence pays off. =)

it's the coolest wednesday i had so far. besides the pissing off parts. silence really pays off. talking wont help. just the silence. it erases the anger off, cancel agreements, wipes off tears. and hell! POOF! nobody knows why i was like this today. WHY? because im always this quiet. i didnt mind the loneliness today. i cant be bothered. YESH. you heard me. i cant be bothered. anymore.

so. she doesnt have people to pei after school. after oral, i waited. what i get? ignorance. good. then she has people to pei and decides to wait and rushes me off to music. yes. friends do rush me to lessons=) good friends walk me to my class. after lessons, i msged her. she was sarcastic [or so i thought.] and then, she never replies. interesting. i pissed her off? oh so sorry. let's just say, i have no idea how and why. maybe she'd like to tell me. why shouldnt i be more pissed than she is when the previous day i left and no one msgs or calls me and even think i was playing and EVEN continue until 10mins later leaves and STILL NO CALL/MESSAGE. another lesson learnt. never expect friends to react to you the way they react to others. fcuk.

looked into the auditorium. only jonT was left waiting for a vacency with the invigilator. I hand-signalled him 'why arent you moving?' he signalled back saying ' i want Mr Lee.'
then MR YELLOW saed
'isnt that obvious? he has his pointers pointed at him.'
i looked at jonT again, this time noticing his shoes. yes, it was pointing at Mr Lee.!! LOLS!

burger, mr yellow, whadever nicks. told me not to say that WORD while he says it himself.
'dont learn that.'
'you taught me.'
'i didnt teach you that.'
'indirectly you did.'
'no i didnt.'
yeah. how lame can we get.. then all of us, the WHOLE BUNCH of FORGIVERS walked out together. was interesting. there were more than 10 of us in addition. then we took 135. eight of us. JonT, derek, amos, pok, qin, pei, kah and me. interesting. i sat alone throughout the bus ride. i was totally about to fall asleep when the bus stopped at paya lebar area. got off with JonT, amos and pok.

Then, went on to sing post. there and then, jonT and amos made a joke out of me. alrighteys, my fault for being blur. lols. i asked amos to go watch DARK WATERS after exams and he said

'im no horror maniac.'

WHOEVER SAID YOU NEED TO BE ONE TO WATCH HORROR??

then, jonT and him were discussing about the plot. i asked amos how he knows the plot. and here's what i heard him answering my question.

' 'cause i watched the shoulder.'

so i 'what shoulder?' at him and he burst out laughing, jonT too.

' i said. i watched the TRAILER.'

sudden realisation of my mistake, i chuckled. then it went on. yesh. HE ENJOYED HIMSELF!!

oh. did i mention? he even told jonT

' eh. you pass on the hearing defectiveness to her already.'

how interesting!! the one on the train is better.

' dont need to tell her byebye cause she wont hear you.'

okae. whadever.
silence DO pay off.

happy grp study

2005-09-20T03:26:00.000-07:00

group studying in the mp library was great. totally enjoyed it. ALL OF IT. yesh. i finish studying chinese already. today, we all [yiting, suwen, chessia, choonkuat and me] reached the state of not realising our surroundings. yesh. i think people were like staring at us b/c of our noise level. actually not noise larh, laughter. argg. i was so bloody happy. one message was all that was needed to bring me down. dumbass handphone. i think i can go without it. totally worthless. haii. is it the case that i can be not there and there seem to be no change at all? this person is totally ignorant of my feelings and my existence. it's like this person can ignore me as and when he wants to or feels like doing so. if that's the case, let time erase my name from your memory. you dont see me, you dont need me. im not there for you because you already have a long long line of people there for you. im not here because there's already a she in your eyes and i dont matter at all anymore. anyway, this isnt the first time you made me feel this way. you wont know how i feel. i wont let you know anymore. you dont care and neither will i.

DISTANT

2005-09-15T17:53:00.000-07:00

physically there but mentally not. i always have the chance of SPACING OUT with people. i can just keep quiet and no one ever realises. even if i disappear, no one will know. lols. yesh. today should be a easy day. yet, so complicated. i learnt to not expect others to wait for you. learnt not to let people pull your hopes so high, and then allow them to let you crash down. ALONE. i cannot believe myself. i could put on a smile even if im upset inside. yesh. that's good now. anyway. after music, xiumin's parents were already waiting for her. so there's no one to walk out with me. i was freaking tired, so i took the route to bubbletea shop silently. board the bus myself. slept and was waken by my mum's call. then i walked home. wonderful way to end a school day.

study

2005-09-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

what do you hear? STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!
what did you say? STUDY! STUDY! STUDY!
dare say that again? STUDY!! STUDY!! STTTUUDDYY!!!

*WHOOSH. something just flew into the wall and left a huge crack in it.

fcuk it. all the school ever does is to add pressure, create tension in our school lives. why are we letting them do that? FCUK! if you cant make us soar, dont force us. DONT ATTACK US VERBALLY. things dont work that way. NEITHER DO THREATS. threatening us wont make us anywhere better. why not stop your fcuking long and meaningless lectures and do something more realistic like making more impact in lessons time? this is tiring. listening listening and listening. what the fcuk is there to listen. it's always repeating. why not go get a tape recorder and record it and replay it? arent you teachers tired?? damn. all of you are chanting to us everyday. QUIT DOING THAT!!

FREE

2005-09-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

yesh yesh. this is a saturday. im going out!! ^.^

10 THINGS I NOTICED THIS WEEK.

`1. talking to some people just makes me smile without knowing why i smiled.
`2. striking a conversation with some people and continuing the conversation is so simple yet with others it just seem so difficult.
`3. to make someone come out, you've got to trade with him/her, through thin air, that is.
`4. i love many many people and i cannot go without them.
`5. there are things you just cannot be without. like clothes you wear.
`6. there are people who just brighten your lives without saying a word. jaytee.
`7. there are actions that make you smile. like waving frantically to say 'i saw you!!'=)
`8. there are words that make you touched. like 'i'll do anything for you.'
`9. there are words that make you laugh a lot a lot. like 'dunch liddat reject ppl lei..'
`10. there are things you just cannot say, and you keep inside so much that you just want to burst out crying. but the thing is, i cannot.

oh! i've got someone to miss.

my real kor=)

initials

2005-09-09T04:07:00.000-07:00

i watched initial d again!! ^.^ never bore me out. bud i was cracking myself out repeating the tai ci.. yeh. suwen was with me. she actually remember word for word at the swimming suit part!

Im so like.. deprived. chessia and suwen have their guys to miss. me. im just not missing anyone too much now. maybe just jenny.

chem remedial

2005-09-08T16:50:00.000-07:00

YESH. i woke up at 7! that's counted late because lesson's at 8. chemistry remedial to be exact.

THINGS THAT MADE ME SMILE
`1. i got onto the bus. My mum was walking away but she turned around!!! I waved at her and she smiled back at me!!!! ^.^

`2. i was on the bus, i slept once i got a seat. i slept and woke up EXACTLY at the broadrick sec busstop, the door was already open for me to walk out. how touching!! ^.^

`3. i was late, but i took my time to enjoy the walk to school, filling my head with joyful colours i saw and songs i love!

`4. i walked up the stairs, Wei Shun greeted me. I answered it with a smile and hand signal. ^.^

`5. i walked into the MRL. Suwen stood up at waved both her hands frantically, i think she thought i didnt see her, but i did!! I heard lion too.. all of them [i meant FRISBEERS. there's only one lion!] it was only when i walked nearer, i realised QIN wasnt there. =(

`6. walking to the seats, i saw a durian head looking out.. then i realised. it was 'kor'. lols. cool head anyway. but i didnt recognise him immediately. HAHA!

`7. Peiyee talked about the initial D i tried to send her yesterday. I guess i looked lost or distant. She was getting me in to talk!! ^.^ sorry.. was still in the morning daze.

`8. Librarian came and scold us. She said something like 'ever since you all came in, i dont have my peace. i want my peace okae...' LOLS. I didnt laugh at first. then Kelly and Suwen looked like they were laughing inside. i was trying to contain my laughter already!! >.<

`9. FRISBEERS is so cool!! We walked out of the library together and laughed out loud outside the library on purpose. =)

`10. We had a 'cult-gathering'. Lion told us the 'i am tarzan' signal. Kelly sang the Jane part 'i am jane and i like to ride on elephant'!! =)

`11. LESSONS TIME!! speed of reaction = amount of products formed divide by time used. or speed of reaction = amount of reactants used divide by time used. FACTORS include the size of particles, temperature and.. [damn. i forgot the third one!!!]

`12. BREAK TIME!! I wanted to sleep, but Suwen tapped me and say 'go down ler'. SO I DID!! ^.^

`13. We were walking back from the basketball court to MRL when Peiyee saw a tinney winney worm attacked by ants!! So Wyntrice, her and me squat to observe what happened. Wyntrice even killed the ants to protect the worm! Mean yet kind=)

`14. Suwen, Lion and Sam came back. Suwen screamed to us 'you all stepped on dog poo is it?'

`15. Peiyee transported the worm to safety! =) and Kelly tried to put the wormey in the straw they took to make hearts. >.<

`16. We went back for lessons! =)

`17. CHESSIA CAME!! In civilian clothes. Very brave of her! and i wore grey socks!! ^.^ my favourite one in fact..

`18. We walked to basketball court and asked noodles to go eat. AHA! He was intimidated by the 3-1. and made up excuses like 'i wanna play basketball.' and 'i've got tuition later.'

`19. We walked out. decided to ask again. YESH. i expected a NO again, so i wasnt really disappointed. i cannot believe it. my 'dad' is intimidated by 3-1? Eww. 'Kor' didnt help much convincing him to go. so yeah! byebye!! =)

`20. ate CHICKEN RICE. again. =) bud with CHESSIA and SUWEN. so it's a SPECIAL chicken rice!

`21. when we were done eating, we walked to the bubble tea busstop and saw 'kor' there. And we missed noodles by inches. so yeah! IT'S OKAE! 'kor' took bus197. we THREE took 135!
i've grown to love 135 buses=) alot. anyone want to take 135 with me?

`22. i walked the pasar malam and all the way home. enjoyed the walk. but i was tired and down. the only reason why i smile at this is because i learn to love walking, and i sort of cleared my thoughts by doing that! ^.^

`23. i got home. listened to jaychou's songs again!! I LOVE THEM!

`24. someone saed i'll do anything for you=) as much as i like to believe it. i know someone does it for everyone! =)

`25. im happy because i saw SUWEN LION SAM PEI WYN KEL CHESSIA CARME DAWN GRACE GERALDINE JUSTINA WEISHUN JUNHAO AMOS DEREK SHANNON WENJIE YONGYEH YANGSHENG SENGKOK JENGKHIT...

as you can see. im very happy today!!! esp the point 1. my mum. TOTALLY COOL!! i told her i waved to her when i got onto the bus, she didnt see. Today, she forgot at first, when she remembered, she immediately turned around!! ^.^ I love my mum. a lot a lot.

[sorry if i looked like i was distant. some thoughts flew into my head=)]

ha

2005-09-07T14:59:00.000-07:00

TUESDAY.
we lighted candles in our class! sadly, we destroyed the evidence of a cult being in our class. we had to. otherwise, our class will probably be detained and interrogated!! LOLS. kidding. Bcup flicked at the lighted wick with his fingers. >.< he saed it didnt hurt. i guess it wont so long as you dont hit the candle, just the wick. and swen made hour-glass figure for the candles, they ended up crumpling. guess what. she chuckled and saed something like..

"that's what happen to people with hour-glass figures."

and then..

"no wonder you can stand up straight." [something liddat.]

okae, that was a mean joke. she has the figure okae!! you never see only, silly Bcup.

THREE girls up to what? haax. Chessia, swen and me went to IT club's room and enjoyed aircon there, used their speaker. then this guy [or gay] called Irwin [issit?] followed us back to our class to help us fix in the speaker. then we listened to songs. waited for other THREE arrivals.

Called noodles at around 9 something. and he was still asleep. LOLS. he sounds so cute in his drowsy voice. hehs. then *(= commented that his voice is sexy. >.< okae larh. he even asked if he could bring his pillow and blankie [blanket] to school. i told him yes. he said something like 'er, my bag isnt that big..' 'well. pick one of the two. UH I KNOW. take the pillow and leave the blankie home.' 'why.. but i want to bring my blankie..' ' it's hot here. comm'on.' and blahablahs! he was the earliest of the THREE. he came in with the blank look, asked where's jt. he was like..so matchy! he wore p.e tee, blue-yellow shorts, blue-yellow shoes [i think], his blue-yellow bag!! aha!! colours make you go matchy..

then JT was suppose to come at 11. he left his home at 11. -.- the one who was suppose to be late came earlier than JT. yeh, guess who!!! 'kor' was early. Behold!! i just got an idea. but i'll just tell swen tomorrow! =) *hints by looking at the bold word. 'kor' came in his bright bright BRIGHT lime-green track tee, dark blue-black three-quarter pants [i think] erh.. and his pinky pinky shoes with the nice nice laces [that i think swen gave him..], ALSO presenting his.. CAPnike!!

after that, ha. JT came in. with drinks and some food. He wore a white shirt and jeans! i think he was in basketball shoes.. veh pei larh! hurhur.

I think we THREE are very compatible! we wore p.e tee and sch skirt=)

i had my own version of LOST. i slept while standing in bus10. crossed the hill.. which was like a maze to me. -.- then i got to mrs chin there. i was too freaked out. i called my mum. and i broke down into tears. jason gave me tissue, the only piece he had left. i can assume he prepared it for me, because he was holding on to it when i came in. then the new girl was totally shocked or something.. she stared at me. then yan jun just looked at me with his usual BENG look. then the nerd-guy was.. iunno, i cbb to look at him.

Anyway, i was too late. Mrs chin told me to go over to the other house later after helping the new girl. I was like 'oh okae'. then the rest could go home. YanJun gave me his sweets, not gave actually, counting on the fact that he threw it across the table-.- then he just left without a word. Jason just put on his cap and sat down beside me. I asked him 'you quarrel with your mum again issit? why dont want to go home?' 'no la. just in case you need tissue marh. dont cry okae?' i nod nod. i felt like a kid then-.- then i started grumbling to him. he was so understanding.. argg. he stayed with me all the way, even walked me to the other house, watched me go in then he take the lift down and walk home ALONE. argg. i miss that..

I think it was cap day. If not, why did Jason and 'Kor' wear a cap? lols.

OH! And swen. thanks for talking to me all the way until i go into the house. i told ya even if i cried over the phone ya wont know until i start sniffling. =) not bad horh?

After that.. oh. no talking about NIGHT=)

shampoo

2005-09-04T15:39:00.000-07:00

tap tap [on shoulder]

'um..'
'yes?'
'um..'

looks into stranger's eyes.. and stranger looks back..
stranger talks..

'well.. i was wondering what shampoo you're using..'
'huh?'
'smells nice..'
'oh. haha. urm.. it's loreal..'
'cool..'

stranger blushed. what a weird stranger..
a shampoo advertisement? probably!!